What in the hell?
Yes, indeed. Hatefulness is a little bit of hell so why am I starting to feel this emotion more than ever now? Anger at aging and not being a meaningful society member in the world’s eyes anymore? Anger at losing everything and almost everyone I have ever loved? Anger at finding out most cute little sayings are just that? Anger at all the lies and deceptions in the world? Anger that my life turned out nothing like I had planned? Fear and Anger that I just don’t really care to get back on track anymore?
I can remember a time when I accepted almost anyone as a person no matter their sins or how obnoxious they were. This came naturally for me. I didn’t force anything inside. It was just how my spirit was at the time. Willing to forgive at a moment’s notice. You would think that doing this for a long time would make you better at forgiveness but I have found it to be quite the opposite for me. I find myself growing increasingly resentful of any slight and to be fair, part of this is indeed hormonal which I am just supposed to accept because it’s the way we were created and there’s nothing I can do. I have tried hormones for a short time. Still using natural progesterone cream over the counter from some health food store.
My entire life I was a “kind” person. When I was a child I befriended anyone who was the underdog or picked on. Sometimes I was that person but not for long because my siblings were my opposite and very hostile and violent. When they found out who I was related to, they backed off. I only remember being afraid of one girl who used to beat me up after school a few times, that was before my sister started attending. The next year we became best friends.
I’m not going to blame me feeling “hateful” purely on menopause either. Though I now know where the term “old bitty” comes from. I think it’s just a combination of everything in my life and the entire world at this time set off by hormonal imbalance and extreme unhappiness. It’s not a kind or gentle place as portrayed for a while in the 50’s where you can even pretend to be safe.
When I have the time to think, not working, watching TV, listening to music, talking to others, etc., I find my thoughts are much deeper than when I was young. I see my society and culture spinning wildly out of control. With drugs, free sex and hedonistic behavior that probably outdoes any Roman heathen before their fall.
I have grown very concerned for the state of the world and its folly since the beginning of recorded history. The fact that even though we know better and think that we are much more learned now, we still are no further ahead on getting control over our impulses. Most of us still not willing to make any sacrifice to stave off instant gratification and pleasure for some loftier ideal or good cause.
Thus we have groups of men with guns that are paid to try and stop those of us that would bring others harm. Pathetic when you really think about it.
I wonder what hope any civilization really has when they are being taught things like:
- Accepting sin and bad behavior as normal instead of repentance and forgiveness.
- Encouraging the murder of so many unborn babies as a “choice” instead of teaching self-control and that the choice ends in whether or not to have sex or wait.
- That sex is not a spectator sport, group activity or should be done just for pleasures sake with anything or anyone instead of the notion that sex can only be consummated between a man and woman with purpose of reproduction at its heart and the spiritual aspect that goes along with becoming one with another in creating another life.
- That government sanctified murder is OK, but killing an enemy without another man’s permission in the private sector is wrong.
- To be driven, successful and wealthy is what we all should aim for instead of being helpful, kind and living your life as a testament to God instead of yourself.
- That the aggressive, foolish and greedy control everything instead of the temperate and wise.
- That man can continue to pervert and destroy everything in his path and this won’t lead to complete world destruction
“No race that does not take care of its young can hope to survive – or deserves to survive.” Father Flanagan, founder of Boys Town.
More quotes from Father Flanagan.
The online Cambridge Dictionary defines this phrase to mean you can only judge the quality of something after you have tried, used or experienced it.
Jesus told everyone that the way of the world was wrong over two thousand years ago. The proof of that is to just look around you and see how many of the people that go the way of the world, doing what is popular for the current time in their culture, leave a path of destruction in many ways. Jesus preached the gospel of love for one another.
It might be in following the current rhetoric telling people to live their dreams and in doing so, most of these people will fall to ruin. It may be the fact that most of the world is in it for themselves. Their lives revolve around them and what will benefit them, usually monetarily, for the moment. In our current American culture you can look at Wall Street, the banking industry, oil companies and all the multinational corporations that have one thing in common. They want to make as much money as possible and don’t care who or what they effect adversely.
This is not the way we are supposed to be spending our few seconds on this earth. We are supposed to be making the world better for being here, not destroying it under false delusions that we are providing jobs for others and making the way for a better tomorrow. At this pace, tomorrow really will never come.
We now have empty people who’s only desire is “doing their own thing” no matter who it hurts. They fill their emptiness with lies that are regularly streamed through all our varied media sources rigidly controlled by various governmental dictates instead of the ever “demonized” religion. Some use drugs, sex, work or other compulsive behavior to distract from the fact that they are frightened at the desolation of their very soul. There are many who say how horrible church is and that it is too controlling. In telling the truth, religion helps people learn to control themselves so that they no longer have to be rigidly controlled by other men with guns.
God made us all in a wondrous way. We actually feel better and more complete the more we share and do for others. The way to stop a pity party is to throw one for someone else. When you are hurting, bestow your caring and concern for another who needs it and it actually helps to heal your own broken heart.