Is Denial Racism?

So…..

I have put off writing a post describing my experience finally getting my DNA tested.

I had written a previous post about racism called “Racism 101” and what I knew about it at the end of 2014.  I didn’t state all my issues at that time and probably never will because I don’t know much.  I tune unpleasant things out all the time.

So, is denial racism?

I have to explain something that I did not state in my previous 2014 post.  Everything in my family was a BIG secret!  No one in our family ever told amusing antidotes about anything or anyone.  No warm family memories were ever shared that I can remember.  We used to have more relatives around, because more were alive, when I was a child.  I’m sure the grownups must have exchanged witty repartee when us kids went to bed.

My father told us he was part “Indian” or what PC now refers to as Native American.  My mother was more complicated.  She had dark olive skin and very frizzy black hair but bright blue eyes, which I did not inherit but my sister had.  Once we were asked by our teachers in elementary school to find out our nationality so we could share this for Geography class.  Sounds ominous now and my mother didn’t like it back then either.  She said “You are an American.”  I was upset and saying no, what country did our family come from.  She refused to offer any information and told me to tell my teacher our family are Americans and that’s all she needs to know.  I knew my mom was not happy.

When I came home from class I told my mom that I know what she is now.  I remember her laughing when I said this and saying “Oh yeah, what am I?”  I knew she was darker than the rest of us, all of her children were very fair compared to her and some of her father’s family.  Some of us are a little darker skin wise and yellow or olive but none of us have her black hair.  One of the children in my class was the same color as my mom and he said he was Italian.  I told my mom I knew she was Italian.  She just started to laugh and said, “no, I’m not Italian.”  That was not quite true.

She really was not sure what races or nationalities she really was.  Things of that nature were never discussed in our household or with my friends either.  Only the racist mainstream media speaks of such things anyway, we all know that.  When I was an older teen I was rummaging through my grams drawers just to see what was in there.  I used to find old compacts, mirrors and all kinds of odd stuff.  I came across a stack of pictures buried in her clothing.  I could tell it was her when she was a teenager with some “dark guy with a fro.”  He sort of looked Cuban.

I took the pictures over to my gram and asked who that guy was with her in them.  She was irate to say the least.  “What are you doing in my drawers!  It’s none of your damn business who this is.”  Kind of an odd reaction.  Even when I try to make sense of it today, I can’t.  Who acts like that about an ex husband?  Why wouldn’t you say  “Oh that’s just your grandfather and me when we were young.”  Is that denial, is that racism? 

I knew that’s who it was so when I told my mom later what happened she said, “Oh that’s probably pictures of my dad.”  I asked her if she had ever seen them and she said no.  I asked her why not and she swung around and snapped “Didn’t you know I was a passer?”  I asked her what that was and she said “A person that passes for white.”  She had told me that she would overhear some of her German family talk about her dad’s family as “washed out colored people” when she was a kid.  I wasn’t sure what that meant and I didn’t really care.

I didn’t pay much attention to this short conversation and lived my life.  My sister-in-law had gotten her DNA done many years ago.  My sister did this as well.  I never cared about the results, of which my sister kept saying how she was “part black” which I ignored because I didn’t care.  Now I wish I would have pushed for more details.  I never saw her results which was actually done through a hospital.  I remember once when she was young they thought she had sickle cell.  I don’t know if my mom said anything to the Doctors at that time but I’m sure they could see her coloring.

I am going to share my DNA results that I received at the beginning of the year which shows that my mother must have some African, but mostly Mediterranean on her fathers side since I inherited a small amount myself.  Actually I’m a quarter Iberian/Italian & African DNA wise.  The one I am most shocked to see is the quarter Scandinavian I inherited.  I knew about the British Isle stuff, minus Great Britain apparently.  It was fun to finally do this though.

What’s strange is my fascination to all things Moroccan and Egyptian since I was tiny.  Not counting how long I studied their music and culture as an adult as small as that percentage is in my DNA.  It made me more aware of all these various countries and their cultures since I have lived my life as an American in America eating hot dogs and watching baseball because that’s what we are supposed to do, right?

So even though some of my white family knew the stories about my mother’s family’s heritage when I sent some of them my results, I was met with silence.  Then when I finally heard from them it was, “I don’t think this is accurate” or sometimes “these places make mistakes.”  So….is denial racism, because that’s how I took it.  I took it that they freaked when they saw a tiny part of my DNA was African.  Maybe I am just being too sensitive because I never bothered to actually ask them what part they thought was the “mistake.”

More to come regarding the quest for my real identity!

 

 

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Daily Prompt: A Few Facts We Can’t Ignore

Facts of Life

There is no real “law” of reciprocity in life.  You will not always reap what you sow but many times what you sow will somehow disappear, usually by being ignored or stolen by someone else.

That being said, life is seldom if ever fair.  Once you face this, you will understand a lot in your life and hopefully live it with great care to your decisions and how they effect you and everything around you.

Not everything is your fault or your responsibility.  You cannot control other people or situations to a large degree so don’t try.  Do what you can, what you must, but sometimes you just have to let things play out.

It is said that “things will pass” but that does not mean that it will not damage or even destroy some of us.  We have seen it or sadly experienced it.

We all differ in our resilience but developing intestinal fortitude will carry you though most of life’s challenges.

It’s OK to let someone else do it.  Regardless of some of the hype, you can’t have it all or even some of it at times regardless of how hard you try or how much you want it.

Just “believing” means nothing.  What do you believe in?  It could be a Fairy tale and that would be foolish.  Believe in yourself to keep trying.  Believing in God to give you the strength to keep your faith is something worth believing.

Daily Prompt: The Future Looks Willy-nilly

A haphazard life leads to a Willy-nilly future.

Usually I use this post to bitch about all the stuff I think is wrong with the world.  Today I’m going to try something different.

This morning I was thinking about some things from when I was a young teen.  When my life was sort of fun and exciting for a while.  My parents had a huge blow up with my grams (still a secret, but my dad was awol for a while before coming back and my gram basically throwing us out to sell the house she shared with us so either he was shacking up with another woman and my mom took him back again or he was in jail/prison again).  Either way, my dad got another job, a good job for once too.  He usually couldn’t hold on to one for more than a year or two tops when he worked at all and my mother got a job in receiving for a discount department store in the area so we were able to purchase another home ourselves in a lower-income area.  I actually felt more at home there than the last “uppity” neighborhood where some of the kids couldn’t “play with us.”

In the new neighborhood we were the upper crust.  My mom was also an artist, my dad a musician that did play some of the local hangouts on weekends.  This was the 60’s now and non-conformity was “IN!”  Some of the neighbors and local business owners would let us know how they “saw our dad playing” the other day.  He was star!  He and his friends sometimes jammed late into the night and we loved listening to them.  I was actually starting to write a book about my life many years ago that I would like to finish one day soon.  If boring people can write autobiographies, so can folks like me, but I would do it anonymously.  I sometimes forget that I used to have a very interesting life.  Never a dull moment for sure.

I became fascinated by the occult at this time.  It was exciting and new, magical and mystical, it was the way for me to finally find some clarity in my life as a ghost.  An invisible person.  I would finally know my future!  Being poor and abused, I was very quiet and meek so no one noticed me.  At home if you were noticed, you were punished in some way whether you were guilty of anything or not.  My dad would sometimes beat us when he was drunk and laugh and say, “that’s for the next time you even think of doing something wrong.”  This is why many of my posts are about evil.  I know of which I speak having been around it most of my life.

I was just turning 14 years old.  A great age.  I was developing as a woman and was really into clothing design at the time making most of my own clothing too.  I wish I had pictures that showed them but I never thought of this as being important as I know it is now.  We have no documentation of the coolest times of our lives back then.  That ego crap didn’t start getting pumped into society til the 70’s, though there was that “If it feels good, do it” statement that I thought was retarded even back then when I was a free spirit.  Though I did try everything once, I never needed drugs or alcohol, I was high on mysticism and magic back then.  I was not religious at all, in fact somewhat against organized religion at the time as very hypocritical.  Much of it still is.  But I was fascinated by the kindness and love of Jesus for as long as I can remember.

My best friend’s mother used to hold table tipping seances with her adult friends every Friday night and let us sit in on them and join them sometimes.  Seemed fun at the time!  Before I realized how the occult was bad because it’s based on our ego and maybe spirits and not based in trust in God.  I used Ouija boards and tarot cards, read tea leaves and studied I ching, astrology and palm reading.  I even had a book, can’t remember the name of it, that told your fortune sort of like a paper magic 8 ball, and I had one of those too!  Never told me anything I could use, FYI.

1965 Herman’s Hermits Press Conference for us kids of the press!

I was new to the area, I was starting a new Junior High 9th grade as one of the coolest chicks around!  There were some that wanted to hate me, jealousy, but my sister helped them keep it in check.  Much bigger and more aggressive than I, she was like my body-guard.  It was a total culture shock to me from mousey invisible girl to hot bleached blond mod chick!  I did have to wear glasses but there was another girl I became friends with who said she was so happy another cool girl was there that wore glasses too!  She and I dressed a lot alike with the English caps, long bangs and very short skirts!

I also had the privilege to go to numerous concerts and press conferences for various bands and singers.  Got to meet a number of interesting people during that time but I was shy so I didn’t try to be a groupie or anything like that.  No private parties, even when I got older.  That will be another post at a later date and so is more info to be shared regarding the occult near the Halloween season.

 

Daily Prompt: Lasting Impressions

Why I Will No Longer Vote Democrat

I will start out saying I don’t care for Republicans either –BUT– they are nothing compared to our current Democratic Party and what they “proudly” stand for.  If any group is giving a bad impression lately it’s them.

I base my opinion not on rumors about the Liberal Left, but on their actions of bullying, abusing others verbally and physically while exhibiting absolute intolerance towards anyone not sharing in their irrational and unrealistic beliefs.  They are the most blatant hypocrites this world has ever known.  They demand from others what they are not willing to give.  Jesus pointed this out about mankind many years ago.  Hypocrisy is the human condition if you are not spiritually aware and don’t try to rise above “urges” and force yourself to do the right thing instead of what comes naturally out of the darkness of your heart.

The fact that this group of people now controls almost every form of media in news and entertainment is dangerous for the future of our nation.  Monopoly of this kind cannot and should not be tolerated.  They do not represent the majority of the population, but with their infiltration into our schools and every aspect of our lives plan to change this very soon.  When I was young I believed anything a celebrity or someone on TV said.  Most young and naive are the same way.  Back then, the propaganda was not that evident, but it did exist.

Shame on any person who sees evil and chooses to ignore or condone it and pretend it’s not happening.  We have all witnessed what certain evil people can do to others and to say things like “We are united and won’t let them effect the rest of us” is not only foolish, but it’s an outright lie.  How dare anyone speak for those intimately effected by the loss of their life or the lives of loved ones.  It’s as thick as saying “What are you crying for, it’s not hurting me a bit” to those that suffer from ailments you know nothing of.  A celebrity named Katy Perry put her foot in her big mouth my commenting on the most recent Islamic terror attack in England by saying “No barriers, no border, we all just need to co-exist.”  It’s sounded as trite coming from someone like her living safely in her well guarded mansion as “Let them eat cake.”  Most of us co-exist but this ain’t la-la land and you can’t just throw irrational, dreamy comments out in the cold cruel world without sounding insane.  There has always been evil in our world and no one can legislate evil away.  Even Jesus with all the miracles He performed could not do that.  A mere sinner cannot do more.  God only knows why this is the case.  I have prayed on that matter for many years.

As the older population dies with the help of Obamacare and other changes in the way medicine is practiced in this country, people will be replaced by the brainwashed who are being subtly groomed into a very warped and disturbed mindset of Godless intolerance to anyone that does not agree with their strict agenda.  All the while their perfect plastic smiling faces lulling us into submission and trust for the great things they are doing for a “better tomorrow.”  Godless people are dangerous!  There, I said it.  In my opinion Godless people are capable of any atrocity and are usually behind most of them.

The way the liberals on TV condemn certain others, especially President Trump, reminds me of the McCarthyism witch hunts of the 1950’s but now I see that he was a very wise man because many with communist or socialist views continued to infiltrate America in entertainment and politics, two places of huge influence on others. He knew the danger they would bring to a country that was based in personal freedom and many are now seeing what these kinds of people can do to a nation when we see them plant lies and half truths in people’s minds to try and win more over to their cause.  Communism like Socialism seeks ultimate control as all evil does.

In any relationship, love is freedom, evil seeks to control.  Control is abuse, love is trust.  Control means I have a plan in mind and you will not stray past what is comfortable for me no matter how it effects you or anyone else adversely.  Love means you care for another as much or more than yourself and you don’t wish to infringe on another’s personal freedom and what is good for them.

I believe there has to be a method to the madness that is going on all over the world today by a number of “Globalist” world leaders, ours being the Democratic party, demanding that unvetted strangers from countries with known terror problems be infiltrated in large numbers into their cities, but always to the poor side of town.  It is unfair to both citizens and refugees.  With severe language and cultural differences, how will they get a job?  How will they be comfortable with a culture that offends them so deeply?  It defies logic.  It forces many of the illegals to turn to crime to supplement the drain they are already causing on our Welfare system already stretched to the max from previous loss of jobs to foreign companies due to bad trade agreements made during the Clinton administration and exacerbated by Obama.  Either those involved do not know what they are doing or worse yet they do and their agenda for the future of America and the world cannot be good for mankind.

Daily Prompt: Oversight

A paradox?

The definition of oversight tells me: An error due to carelessness, lack of proper attention or Supervision with watchful care.  It can’t mean both!

Warning*** I pull no punches with this scathing blog regarding the so called Woman’s March held Friday, January 20th, 2017.   They need to change it to the “Bitches March” cause bitches do be crazy for sure.

Reminds me of the world we are currently living in.  A world of sin and evil and evil screaming louder than ever to be accepted as the norm and the hell with the ways of God!  Some being offensive to the point of insanity and then demanding their disgusting behavior be validated and it helps if you are not alone when you do something stupid or sinful.

George Carlin said it best: “Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”  Amen!  Perfect analogy!

2 Corinthians 11:14  …for satan himself is transformed into an angel of light.  Not sure how exactly but apparently the enemy is able to fool some that are not strong in the Word and Spirit of God.

The current state of this country, America, and the world is disgustingly obvious.  The greedy rich still intend to keep taking and they wish for globalization, not because it benefits most, it benefits them only.  Most of the average citizens will be jobless and maybe homeless and they will just dole out their cheese and powdered milk and tell the few working themselves to death, that they should just be happy to have a job.

Our mainstream media has been so successful in their brainwashing propaganda, they have managed to fool many into thinking a hard-working, honest, decent businessman is really a perverted, tax evading rapist.   All the while taking a vicious, dishonest potential fascist dictator and trying to make us believe her sneakiness and at best incompetency was really the best choice for the leader of the United States of America!

The few that own the talking heads on TV have managed to convince women in this country that being a demonic whore and marching the street naked or with symbols of vaginas on their empty heads carrying signs that murdering the most innocent in this world is their “right”is normal and acceptable behavior and the weak fall for it.  These women reminded me of the witches covens they would show in horror movies 50 years ago.  You come a long way bitches and how proud you must be.  How proud the women who struggled and died for your right to vote and be respected as a person must be to see their hard work come to such a low and immoral end.  Screaming for the right to be the worst you can be and the rest of us, well, we better like it or else!

Or else what bitches?  Whatcha gonna do to the rest of us real warrior women who respect ourselves and others and really have had struggles to go through making us much stronger and tougher than a bunch of demented, over educated spoiled brats that were never given any discipline or told “no” in their lives.  I always wondered what happened to the kids I used to see years ago that parents let run wild never bothering to thwart their desires or rein them in at all.  Psychologists started teaching you not to spank or harm their precious little feelings by stopping them from doing whatever they wished for the moment.  This is the exact opposite of why we need parenting in life.  We need to know and learn to accept our limitations while we are young so we can fit into a civilized society.  Key word being civilized.  This means you do care if your actions are offensive to others and try to think of others besides yourself.  This is how we prevent egomaniacs or people with severe personality disorders from going wild every time they don’t get their way.

Now we have men hating women so vilely hostile they demand to walk around naked and no man better become sexually exited around them.  WTF?  I read stories of the holocaust and there was an evil woman the called the “Bitch of Buchenwald” and one of the stunts she did with the men in the camp was make them walk around naked while she sunbathed in the nude and if any of them got sexually exited they were to be put to death.  These women have the same evil mindset.  These are not bad girls or the lost, these are nasty, hostile bitches that think it is their way or the highway and they are proud of themselves.  Pride comes before a fall and boy are they going to come down hard one day very soon.

Women need to be strong, but they don’t need to be evil.  Strong and evil are two separate things.  Evil usually walks with stupid and Strength resides with intelligence or wisdom.

Hate – What the Hell Happened?

Hate.

What in the hell?

Yes, indeed.  Hatefulness is a little bit of hell so why am I starting to feel this emotion more than ever now?  Anger at aging and not being a meaningful society member in the world’s eyes anymore?  Anger at losing everything and almost everyone I have ever loved?  Anger at finding out most cute little sayings are just that?  Anger at all the lies and deceptions in the world?  Anger that my life turned out nothing like I had planned?  Fear and Anger that I just don’t really care to get back on track anymore?

I can remember a time when I accepted almost anyone as a person no matter their sins or how obnoxious they were.  This came naturally for me.  I didn’t force anything inside.  It was just how my spirit was at the time.  Willing to forgive at a moment’s notice.  You would think that doing this for a long time would make you better at forgiveness but I have found it to be quite the opposite for me.  I find myself growing increasingly resentful of any slight and to be fair, part of this is indeed hormonal which I am just supposed to accept because it’s the way we were created and there’s nothing I can do.  I have tried hormones for a short time.  Still using natural progesterone cream over the counter from some health food store.

My entire life I was a “kind” person.  When I was a child I befriended anyone who was the underdog or picked on.  Sometimes I was that person but not for long because my siblings were my opposite and very hostile and violent.  When they found out who I was related to, they backed off.  I only remember being afraid of one girl who used to beat me up after school a few times, that was before my sister started attending.  The next year we became best friends.

I’m not going to blame me feeling “hateful” purely on menopause either.  Though I now know where the term “old bitty” comes from.  I think it’s just a combination of everything in my life and the entire world at this time set off by hormonal imbalance and extreme unhappiness.  It’s not a kind or gentle place as portrayed for a while in the 50’s where you can even pretend to be safe.

But:

Psalm118 24