Daily Prompt: Never Say Wrinkle to an Old Person

Smile when you say wrinkle to me.  I hate growing old.  Growing older is fine but when you actually begin the aging process, it ain’t pretty.  The wrinkles are just a tiny part of all the other things that begin to fail inside and out of your soul’s shell.

I will never forget being repulsed as a child to see old men and women masks used for something to make you look scary or funny at Halloween time.  Keep laughing until it’s you.  Even as a child I thought this quite odd and offensive but obviously most don’t get it til they walk a mile in their wrinkles.

You don’t see wrinkles on television or movies with most now, their faces slackened as a corpse from overdosing on Botox.  I was watching some Community episodes on my DVD’s and realized that the actors once attractive faces looked ghastly by the third season.  You could see most using Botox with wrinkles and expression lines completely absent giving them a very different, unnatural appearance.

I understand face lifts or mini ones and some cosmetic surgery that really improve your looks or make you appear youthful but I don’t get any procedure that takes your identity away.  I will pick on someone right now.  Wendy Williams.  Not a fan but I respect her as a person because we actually agree on many things.  I first noticed her on “Dancing with the Stars” because I don’t watch much TV and had never heard of her before.  I actually thought she was a drag queen and was shocked at how plastic every part of her appeared from the broad shoulders and overly large breasts to the oddly slackened face causing me to believe that everything about her was artificial.

It’s great to use skin lotions, creams are not as effective I’m finding out.  Start when you’re young and keep it up.  It helps with fine lines plus helps protect your skin against pollution, depending on the quality of your product.  Having a beauty regime is fun and so nice to pamper yourself like that.  If you want a nip and tuck here or there, that’s your business but keep it real.  Laugh lines around the eyes and mouth are great and make you who you are.  Shows you’ve lived and enjoyed it.

I called this one “40 years hard time.”

Daily Prompt: Uncompromising Ain’t Popular

I used to be popular,

When I was a doormat.

When I tried to become another accessory,

Those that liked to wipe their feet went away.

Most relationships are followers and leaders.  Victims or victimizers.  Opposites do attract in this manner.   Lovers or Friends it doesn’t really seem to matter.

I went from unassertive and wishy-washy like my passive aggressive mom taught me to strong and uncompromising.  I can’t say for sure what the catalyst really was because I’m sure there was more than one.  Just trying to survive a severely dysfunctional “kill or be killed” atmosphere will do it.  This is why many of us survivors of abuse suffer from PTSD, not just actual soldiers.  We lived in a war zone most if not all of our lives and that takes a psychological toll on you, like it or not.

My younger sister was always headstrong and acted out in anger in constant condemnation of our mother and how she was “spineless” and “Queen of Denial.”  Since my head was in the clouds back then never wanting to believe anything was wrong, I had no idea what she was talking about.  I thought she was an evil little traitor who judged everyone harshly and it was not until many years and counseling sessions later that I got what she was talking about.  She always told me that she did not want to become like our spineless mother so she went in the opposite direction of not just becoming very belligerent and uncompromising, but doing all kinds of crazy, impulsive things trying to feel better.

She was later treated for psychosis and I feel that she suffered from borderline personality disorder when I see the symptoms.  I feel that I have some of the same traits myself when it comes to trust.  It makes you look “paranoid” when actually your history with those that were supposed to have been your loved ones, proves you right not to trust.  In fact you would have to be crazy to trust others.  She always said, “If you can’t trust your parents, who can you trust?”  And she was spot on.  Like many so called mentally ill, they sometimes see what the rest of us can’t or don’t want to.

After menopause I began to behave a lot like my sister, some of my relatives said so and that was not a compliment, they were basically telling me I was acting “crazy.”  This does not mean they were correct.  Do I have issues?  I would think so, most of us do, but can I manage?  So far.  Am I happy?  Not always.  But I know up from down, right from wrong and I’m not into substance abuse or any abuse so that’s a huge difference.  Medications and alcohol can really effect you adversely, even prescribed.  People try to belittle the Christian’s use of Christ as a “crutch” but that’s exactly what He wants us to do.  Prayer is a life saver.

Many times when you stop fitting other folks image they have of you, they think there is something wrong with you.  When you don’t make things easy and are tired of being played you appear uncompromising to them because you are.  Let them work with you for once.  One time I actually had an instance that got me thinking “why am I always the one who does everything, the one that apologizes first” and left the ball in their court.  The ball never came back, as I knew it wouldn’t.  Sometimes I hate it when I’m right.

Hate – What the Hell Happened?

Hate.

What in the hell?

Yes, indeed.  Hatefulness is a little bit of hell so why am I starting to feel this emotion more than ever now?  Anger at aging and not being a meaningful society member in the world’s eyes anymore?  Anger at losing everything and almost everyone I have ever loved?  Anger at finding out most cute little sayings are just that?  Anger at all the lies and deceptions in the world?  Anger that my life turned out nothing like I had planned?  Fear and Anger that I just don’t really care to get back on track anymore?

I can remember a time when I accepted almost anyone as a person no matter their sins or how obnoxious they were.  This came naturally for me.  I didn’t force anything inside.  It was just how my spirit was at the time.  Willing to forgive at a moment’s notice.  You would think that doing this for a long time would make you better at forgiveness but I have found it to be quite the opposite for me.  I find myself growing increasingly resentful of any slight and to be fair, part of this is indeed hormonal which I am just supposed to accept because it’s the way we were created and there’s nothing I can do.  I have tried hormones for a short time.  Still using natural progesterone cream over the counter from some health food store.

My entire life I was a “kind” person.  When I was a child I befriended anyone who was the underdog or picked on.  Sometimes I was that person but not for long because my siblings were my opposite and very hostile and violent.  When they found out who I was related to, they backed off.  I only remember being afraid of one girl who used to beat me up after school a few times, that was before my sister started attending.  The next year we became best friends.

I’m not going to blame me feeling “hateful” purely on menopause either.  Though I now know where the term “old bitty” comes from.  I think it’s just a combination of everything in my life and the entire world at this time set off by hormonal imbalance and extreme unhappiness.  It’s not a kind or gentle place as portrayed for a while in the 50’s where you can even pretend to be safe.

But:

Psalm118 24

Daily Prompt: Sick of Being Angry

Anyone else with me?

I have spent more of my time angry since starting menopause at roughly 50 years of age, than all of my first fifty years combined.  When my hormones conked out, I became horribly irritable.  Thankfully I was already divorced by then or who knows what may have transpired!

Today I had to delete a rant I made on a Facebook post from WXYZ-TV channel 7.  They just confirmed a body found was that of 13-year-old Deontae Mitchell who was seen being kidnapped by a man, whom they have since arrested.  The kidnapping was reportedly committed on Tuesday night, May 31st and an amber alert was issued by at least the following day, Wednesday.  Now another child in Detroit is dead at the hands of some monster.  I am starting to realize why all the other animal kingdom fears human animals so much.  We are horrible creatures!

Without proper training we are dangerous and unstoppable except by deadly force just like any other wild, willful animal.  This is not the way it was meant to be.  Hence something called religious training.  Most, if not all cultures have a base belief in a God.  Most believe you will be punished by this God if you defy His word and defile His world.  This is what I was taught and I believe this to be the truth because it makes perfect sense.  The lies are that no such God exists so go ahead, if you’re feeling lucky, and do whatever strikes your fancy for the moment.  This is where liberal ideology will eventually destroy everything in its path.

All civilizations that have stood the test of time have had strict taboos on many things and rightly so.  I have watched our society in America slowly disintegrate by allowing small groups of people to go against society’s accepted norms in various ways from promiscuity to rampant use of drugs and alcohol.  Every time a group is allowed to stray and “do their own thing” instead of the right thing, their society as a whole weakens.  Do some of these people honestly think the rest of us are acting on our every impulse?  That we are living our dreams and doing our own thing?  No we are taking care of them and others by sacrifice and doing the right thing just like some of our parents did by getting to bed early so they could put in a long day’s work the next day instead of sneaking out to see a secret lover or get so high they couldn’t even make it into work the next day.

Women who cared made sure they were married to a stable, sober man before having unprotected sex and bringing some poor child into the already cold, cruel world.  Now it’s more important to be “turned on” or “thrilled” because that’s living your dream and our liberal media is being sure to let us know that this is the most important thing in life.  Thankfully there are modern folks still being raised by good, loving parents old school that realize the personal satisfaction of a job well done in all aspects of a well lived life.

There are sayings about regrets at the end of your life for things you didn’t try.  Unfortunately there are more regrets by those that tried things they shouldn’t have.  Don’t believe everything you hear.

 

Daily Prompt: Fearful to Fearless

I can’t say for sure what happened.

As a child that was extremely abused and neglected by my parents.  I was afraid of everything and everyone when I was young.  I was considered “shy” as I got older and thought that it was normal to be scared to the point of constantly sweating and not being able to concentrate because I was always on “high alert” for any danger.  I prayed I wouldn’t be called on by the teachers or picked on by other kids.  I didn’t have many friends as a result.  I learned to be hyper-vigilant so I could try to defend myself from all the possible dangers this world had in store.  My younger sister, who was a head taller and big-boned, was always my bodyguard when she could be.  She was two years behind me so was only in my schools when I was a Senior and she was a Freshman.    I sometimes wondered if I was switched at birth because there was no way I could have been related to the aggressive loud-mouths in my family.

I didn’t realize at the time I was probably suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder since this is a relatively new thing.  My other siblings appeared angry and aggressive and never seemed to fear things.  They were not raised with a Christian Aunt as I was and did not have the Golden Rule instilled in their very psyche.

I followed that Golden Rule to the letter until the last number of years of my life.  I blame menopause for my irritability and that I never give any mean acting person the benefit of the doubt if they dare try to play me or give me a hard time.  It’s either hormonal problems or I’ve developed schizophrenia.  I will usually lay right into them.  Since anger and irritability is a symptom of many in menopause, I feel pretty secure to know I’ve just become an “old bitty” as they used to say.  All I know is I’m brave as heck now.  I have no shyness and others seem to sense the fact that I sometimes wreak anger and don’t mess with me.  I actually have developed that “chip on the shoulder, make my day” attitude which is sad really.  As a result, I still don’t have many friends.

Are You Mature?

Many years ago Ann Landers posted an article entitled “Maturity.”  Here is the repost.

Maturity

Maturity is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence.

Maturity is patience.  It is the willingness to pass up immediate pleasure in favor of a long-term gain.

Maturity is perseverance, the ability to sweat out a project or a situation in spite of heavy opposition and discouraging setbacks.

Maturity is the capacity to face unpleasantness and frustration, discomfort and defeat, without complaint or collapse.

Maturity is being big enough to say “I was wrong” and when right, the mature person need not experience the satisfaction of saying “I told you so.”

Maturity is the ability to make a decision and stand by it.  The immature spend their lives exploring endless possibilities and then do nothing.

Maturity means dependability, keeping one’s word and coming through in a crisis.  The immature are masters of the alibi.  They are the confused and the conflicted.  Their lives are a maze of broken promises, former friends, unfinished business and good intentions that somehow never materialize.

Maturity is the art of living in peace with what we cannot change, the courage to change what should be changed and the wisdom to know the difference.

She may be right but there is that saying that “Hard work pays off in the future but laziness pays off now.”  And that most tend to take the path of least resistance.  That was never the case for me.  As someone who was oversensitive, which helps me as an artist, I spent most of my life outside my comfort zone.  I can’t say I ever got used to it.  After hitting menopause, I began to find others almost intolerable.  I began to lose patience with the simplest of tasks and felt very irritable most of the time.  I became weepy and my moods swung all over the place, when I was normally very stoic, straight and narrow.  I had no problem following orders to the letter and now felt angry and agitated when anyone told me what to do.

For me menopause was a little like going insane.  Losing my mind because who I became was not who I was most of my adult life.  According to Ann Landers, who was Dear Abby’s sister, I was no longer mature.  I used to have most of those traits, but found it next to impossible to feel calm anymore and instead grew in my frustration over the smallest of problems.  My health has improved by using a natural progesterone cream that was not endorsed by my Doctor.  Most of them do not believe in any hormone replacements anymore even though most women who use them do feel better.

Having this happen to me showed me how some people feel their entire lives depending on who they are and what is happening in their hormones or brains.  So many that are lucky or blessed to be healthy and stable are so quick to decide what is the norm for the rest of the world.  I no longer feel that smug and sure of what exactly is immature for one person and mature for another since there are so many variables.  I am certain that we all have to behave in a manner that is not dangerous or offensive to ourselves or our fellow-man.

Hence the following of the Golden Rule.

LoveThyNeighbor2

Diary of a Menopausal Breakup

It was subtle at first.

The yawns, looking at the watch, fake smiling with “ah-huh’s” thrown in at just the right moments.

Then he let me have it.

He phoned in the fake excuse a half hour after he was supposed to meet me after work for dinner at Mickey D’s, my treat.

He stopped calling after sending me a Sweetest Day card that advised me he was “glad I was his friend” signed “take care” instead of “love you madly!”  What a dork!  What did I want with him?!  His grapes were sour anyway!

So I stayed in bed the next day instead of showing up early for work as I routinely do.  I thought “What do I need that job for anyway?”  It only got me a broken heart.  (Not thinking of the much-needed income.)  Then I had to come to grips with the fact that my job did not break my heart.  It was your typical dork commitment phobe.  He was single, but never there when you really needed him.  It is so odd that an attractive, irresistible man becomes so creepy when you are no longer the apple of his eye.  (Or you should feel this way.)  I looked at him in a new and true light when I realized that he did not have the intellect or sensitivity to know a treasure when he had one.  I know why some people say things like “too bad for them, more for me” or something like that when they get dumped.  It is a normal human thing that other’s adoration makes you feel better about yourself but that is because most don’t love themselves.  I do and not in some arrogant way but in a true way.  I can sleep at night because I like myself, not because I am callous or conceited.  What’s not to like?

The other person has to be in the wrong, even if you were dumped three previous times trying to maintain relationships that never gelled.  What were the previous excuses?  “It is not you, it’s me,” and it was.  “It is not me, it is you,” and it wasn’t.  And my favorite “My best friend from high school looked me up and I realized how gay I was.”  Yeah, thanks for the competition.  It’s really hard to be catty when a guy steals your guy.  You can’t use lines like “He’s so flat!” cause obviously he likes this feature in his mates.  Life is not getting any easier.  Signing off for a “power-surge.”