Daily Prompt: Fearful to Fearless

I can’t say for sure what happened.

As a child that was extremely abused and neglected by my parents.  I was afraid of everything and everyone when I was young.  I was considered “shy” as I got older and thought that it was normal to be scared to the point of constantly sweating and not being able to concentrate because I was always on “high alert” for any danger.  I prayed I wouldn’t be called on by the teachers or picked on by other kids.  I didn’t have many friends as a result.  I learned to be hyper-vigilant so I could try to defend myself from all the possible dangers this world had in store.  My younger sister, who was a head taller and big-boned, was always my bodyguard when she could be.  She was two years behind me so was only in my schools when I was a Senior and she was a Freshman.    I sometimes wondered if I was switched at birth because there was no way I could have been related to the aggressive loud-mouths in my family.

I didn’t realize at the time I was probably suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder since this is a relatively new thing.  My other siblings appeared angry and aggressive and never seemed to fear things.  They were not raised with a Christian Aunt as I was and did not have the Golden Rule instilled in their very psyche.

I followed that Golden Rule to the letter until the last number of years of my life.  I blame menopause for my irritability and that I never give any mean acting person the benefit of the doubt if they dare try to play me or give me a hard time.  It’s either hormonal problems or I’ve developed schizophrenia.  I will usually lay right into them.  Since anger and irritability is a symptom of many in menopause, I feel pretty secure to know I’ve just become an “old bitty” as they used to say.  All I know is I’m brave as heck now.  I have no shyness and others seem to sense the fact that I sometimes wreak anger and don’t mess with me.  I actually have developed that “chip on the shoulder, make my day” attitude which is sad really.  As a result, I still don’t have many friends.