Daily Prompt: Laughter 4 A Change

Most of my posts on this blog are beyond serious.  Many times an outright bitch fest.  Today I will try to lighten the mood even though I just can’t resist these two I got from someone when I was working for the government.

Only in America do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Never Trust an Angry Woman

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy morning. Both of their cars are totaled but amazingly neither is injured. God works in mysterious ways.

After they crawl from their cars the woman says, “You’re a man, interesting. Wow, look at our cars! Totaled and we are not hurt. This must be a sign from God that we were destined to meet for some reason.”

Flattered, the man replied, “I agree, this must be a sign from God.”

The woman reaches into her car and continues, “And another miracle is that even though my car is completely wrecked, this bottle of wine didn’t even break! We must use this sign from God to toast to our good fortune!” She hands the bottle to the man.

The man nodded in agreement while opening the bottle and drinking from it. He hands it back to the woman who immediately puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.

The man asked her, “Aren’t you going to have any?”

The woman replies, “No thanks, I’ll just wait for the police to come.”

Moral of the story:

Women are evil. Don’t mess with them!

Discover Challenge: Conventional Wisdom

I consider our modern “Liberal” or “Progressive” movement that some have quickly jumped on board with, so they don’t get left out, to be one of the most absurd, convoluted and demonically insane groups of folks this world has seen yet.  No conventional wisdom here.

Let’s get into our current society, or lack thereof.  Most of us live and let live, we really don’t care what someone else is doing unless it effects us or someone we love adversely.  This is the way grownups have managed to get by not killing one another throughout most of history.  Minding our own business.  It’s only when you have those that try to force their will on others, that don’t agree with whatever it is, that you start to have conflict, much as we have now and there is no excuse for it.  This is starting to become a problem now that conservative people insist on others playing by the same rules we all live by.  “Give them an inch and they will take a mile” comes to mind when I think of some of the unrest we have been seeing in recent months.  Some have been assuming that their agenda was the only one that mattered so when they cannot get what they want, when they want it, they use force and violence or pitch a public fit.

No one needs to shout in any streets about anything in America.  We are not a third world country.  We have law and many regulations and if we don’t like something we pass petitions, get signatures or we write and or discuss with others who can make the changes needed, if they are reasonable.  Today we seem to have many unreasonable people that know there is nothing wrong, but somehow they are just not happy so they want to be sure others that are content are just as miserable as they are.  No one needs to scream about being gay, because it doesn’t matter.  It’s a personal, private decision and unless your ego is dangerous, you know this.

The current popularity of “Progressive Liberals” was caused by our mainstream media constantly giving fools attention and validation to various demands that were self-serving and ridiculous.  Celebrities are big on doing this and most are so starstruck they will go along with anything someone they admire believes in, much like a 12 year old schoolgirl.  Our mainstream media consists of three major networks, CBS, NBC & ABC that  keep up the non-stop propaganda needed so that you will be properly indoctrinated to whatever those who own the stations wish you to believe and want you to buy.

Exactly how they pick their next fad or person they wish to thrust into the spotlight for you to follow is their little secret for now, but they have an agenda.  One week it’s women screaming for the right to be topless in public, what they hope to achieve with that request, besides bring women back to the stone ages and make us more potential to become rape victims that no man can take seriously, is beyond me.  These people are either trying to mess things up for the rest of us on purpose or they are mentally ill and need help, not validation.  That stunt shouldn’t be taken seriously anymore than wearing a vagina hat means you are the kind of solid citizen I would trust teaching my kids.

Sadly, instead of evolving to a better society, which is where we should be, we have regressed to the point of neanderthal with better toys to play with.  If some had their way we would all walk around naked while we play with our cell phones taking selfies with the rest of the herd on our way to the trough.

Bitter?  You ain’t heard the half of it!  So, Conventional Wisdom you say?  I say that wisdom is about to go the way of the dinosaur due to the very nature of man who hates and tries to destroy anyone who seems to know better than them.  The wise man/woman is truly an endangered species.

Daily Prompt: Giggles!

Many years ago we were sitting in church with our friends during the Christmas season.  It was a special evening program for all ages and our oldest son, at the time about 8 years old,  was telling us that earlier that day the children had all made Christmas cards for the pastor of our very large church.

When the pastor came out he was holding a card in his hand at which our son said excitedly, “Hey, the pastor has my card!  I can tell by the drawing I did on the back of it!”  We were to discover our pastor had decided to start the evening service with a little humor.  He advised the congregation that the children had all given him Christmas cards after morning service and he was hoping that they would enjoy one card in particular.  None of us had any idea what he had written, so he began:

“Roses are red, violets are blue, it’s snowing outside and in here too!”

To which there were gales of laughter.  At the time I sort of laughed but was more mortified than amused.  My friend sitting right next to me could not stop giggling for the longest time.  Even when the service started, I could see her body shaking in the laughter she kept trying to stifle, then I started giggling as well.  We were both trying to keep our composure while the sermon was being preached.  We kept setting each other off.  I don’t remember when we finally managed to get it together and put our attention back on God!  After the evening program I tried to explain to my confused son why everyone had such a good laugh at his expense.

Using Christ’s Name in Vain

I’m an ex-hippie chick though some might disagree about the ex part.

I was actually almost radical back in the day and was friends with a number of political prisoners.  I used to sit in their homes in the 1960’s helping them stuff envelopes with anti-war literature (Vietnam) as an occasional joint was passed around the table.  I did not smoke it, but probably got a little contact high.

Not friends with any of these people anymore, some that actually became friends with John Lennon and Yoko Ono a few years later, and some that were actually imprisoned for their various anti-war actions, I seldom think of this time in my life.

Finding this article with RT, jogged my menopausal memory.

A similar thing happened to me once with a mall cop and it wasn’t Paul Blart.  I spent much of my youth barefoot in the summer.  I wouldn’t dream of walking around like that now, but as a dancer, I already had great calluses on my feet so it was not at all uncomfortable for me to walk miles of sidewalk completely barefoot.

My sister and I had walked to the mall a couple of miles from our home and I went into the mall barefoot.  My sister being of sound mind at the time wore shoes.  One of the rent-a-pigs noticed I had bare feet and because of me all those freaking “No shoes, no shirt, no service” signs were born!

He came over and started yelling at me about what a disgraceful health hazard I was and my meek response to the unexpected tirade was “Jesus Christ!”  Said in a “what’s your problem” manner like he was as nuts as he obviously was.  At that time those no service signs did not exist so I was not technically breaking any laws.  He was irate that this was my response that came with a dirty look so he said, “Come along with me” taking me with a co-pig to his commanding officer, Sergeant Big-Pig.  When we got there he proceeded to speak “Pig Latin” which means lies.  He told his sergeant that I called him a “God damned son of a bitch” to which I said, “The hell I did, I just said Jesus Christ” because of the manner in which he spoke to me.  He called me a liar and repeated the lie again.  His boss told him to leave the room and he and I spoke for a few minutes.   Again I told him what was said to me by this man and how he said it and what I said.  My sister was outside and confirmed with him what had happened, to which he told me I could just leave and don’t worry about it.  He then asked “Porky” to come back in so he could speak to him.

Case closed!  But this is one of the many reasons I know the kind of personality that is attracted to these types of jobs.  Aggressive, angry, hostile, cocky, etc.  You would never use terms like “Loving, kind, generous, meek, etc. to describe a potential police officer.  I learned that cops lie or really misinterpret what is said or happening around them.  For this very reason it is imperative that all individuals wishing to become any type of gun carrying guard or police officer be thoroughly checked psychologically before allowing them to even get into cadet training.

Through the years I finally realized that “Jesus Christ” was not a phrase you use just because something is really stupid or unfair just because I heard it used that way growing up by other adults around me.  You use that phrase when you are actually speaking to Jesus in prayer, never vainly.  Sometimes in prayer His name is used vainly as Jesus told us that many will call it but few will make it because the road to righteousness is straight and narrow and most do not walk that walk.

hippiechicks2

 

Daily Prompt: In Retrospect; What You Should Expect

Murphi: Sign of the Brown Spoon

October 2014 Forecast:imwithstupid

 

Don’t, read any horoscope forecasts because they will only depress you.

If you are reading this, I can only assume that you mustered the courage to crawl out from under your bed and thankfully, the earth is still spinning.

Your natural tendency to “keep trying” will get you in still further trouble this month with a surprising “devil’s night” containing actual, real devils!

 

As usual, you won’t have to wear a mask for the next day’s celebration of Halloween, so that’s a plus.  The negative “Murphs on” with the fact that you have to keep replacing all the mirrors you break from looking into them in the first place.  When do the Murphi’s of this world ever learn!

witchface

Keep Murphing on!

MurphiSpoon

Daily Prompt: The Missing Zodiac

MurphiSpoon
Murphi

Sign of the brown spoon

You’ve heard it said that some are born with a proverbial silver spoon in their mouths. When a Murphi was born, it was always back-arsewards so that spoon got stuck somewhere else! Hence the sign of the brown, and very smelly, spoon.
If something’s broken, you just touched it, if something fails, you believed it couldn’t.
It doesn’t matter that you try to avoid the crack when you walk because you’ll “break your mother’s back,” any part of the sidewalk that your shoe touches shatters!
9/11 was not Obama’s fault, it was yours.

You would love to visit old schools or even the hospital where you were born, but unfortunately those buildings were either condemned or mysteriously burned down. But that’s OK, you can’t move forward if you’re looking behind! Also, you can’t move forward because there’s always that pesky “brick wall” you keep hitting when you try.

Always remember, some things are larger than they appear and some things are smaller and you know how well that worked out for you!

Origin of Murphy’s Law.

Daily Prompt: The Infamous Tada

Just say the name Tada to anyone in my family and they will tell you that was my imaginary friend when I was little.

I never had an imaginary friend of any kind.  When I was only about 3 or 4 I loved performing for anyone that would watch, like most kids.  I would always end the show with a loud “tada!” while throwing my hands up for the applause and accolades that were sure to come my way.

My mother, being the sarcastic person she is, thought she’d be funny and asked me “tada, who’s tada?” after one of my shows.  Being the smart Alec I was I decided to tell her it was my invisible friend instead of just saying that I had no idea why I said “tada”.  I must have heard it on TV or something.

I then began to run around and tell Tada to stop chasing me.  They thought it was funny so I put on the act once in a while.  My sister would ask me about Tada and instead of coming clean and saying there is no Tada, I just made up all kinds of tall tales regarding this fictional friend because people seemed to enjoy it.  When I was about 11 or 12 I was fascinated by the occult and decided to have a ritual to finally get rid of Tada by taking one of our old plastic dolls, calling it Tada and going with my sister and some friends to bury her in a part of the local cemetery, not on top of a grave or anything.  So I committed some act of sacrilege, no doubt, but Tada was gone.

Various members of my family delighted in bringing up the fact that I had this imaginary friend in front of my actual friends or extended family just to try and embarrass me and try to make me look like I was insane or strange in some way.  I still continued the lie well into adulthood.  Not that I still had a fake friend, but went along with anyone that I used to have one.  Only recently did I tell my mom the truth and that she was the reason I started the lie to begin with because she made me mad by questioning me like that as a small child.  We had a good laugh about it, but I still don’t think she believes me, which makes me laugh harder!

Tadaincemetary

Daily Prompt: Laughing til you pee!

I have always loved to laugh.  As teens my sister and I would have our friends spend the night on weekends and get in so much trouble laughing until the wee hours of the morning.

I remember when our authoritative and sometimes brutal father would be in a bad mood at the dinner table.  He would greet everyone by, “and I don’t want to hear a peep out of anyone tonight, just eat!”  One of us, usually me, would try to make an almost silent “peep” sound just to defy him, even if it possibly meant a beating.  That’s how dysfunctional were all were.  Then I would get a super case of nerves and want to burst out laughing, again at my own risk.  I would sit there stifling my laughter, in which I would be making an audible sort of snort sound.  Sometimes my siblings would join me and the harder we tried not to laugh the stronger the urge was to burst out with loud guffaws.  About that time, if my dad was not in that bad of a mood, both my parents would join us laughing.

I remember one time sitting in church with my family and friends after I was married for a special Christmas program.  The pastor walked out on stage with a hand drawn card in his hand.  My oldest quickly telling us that the pastor was holding his card, he recognized it because he drew a bouquet of flowers on the back.  The pastor then proceeded to read the card to the entire congregation “Roses are red, violets are blue, it’s snowing outside, and in here too!”  The entire church broke out laughing and I was so embarrassed!  My friend could not stop laughing even after the pastor began to preach so we both got the giggles and could hardly control ourselves.  Best night ever!

To answer the question when was the last time I really laughed, it was while I was writing this, just thinking about it again.

Being silly after harvest time.

Being silly after harvest time.

I learned that you truly can laugh to keep from crying.  That you can choose to see the light side of almost anything, so that’s my choice and hope you feel the same way!

Pop in a comedy tonight or just start watching some crazy pet or child video on youtube.com.  A good laugh or silliness can really lighten your mood.