Am I the only one that feels guilty over not being able to give what I don’t have? I don’t mean financially, but in other ways as well. It strikes me that I may be leaning on this excuse a little too hard sometimes.
I was thinking about this the other day when the voice of the accuser was attempting to bring me down even further in despair of the shortcomings of my life. I was thinking about all the times I should have said or did something and didn’t and said something when maybe I shouldn’t have. I know thinking like that is just borrowing trouble.
I have to keep consciously reminding myself that no one is perfect and why on earth would my brain be perverse enough to go revisit something that can never be changed? Because I like to torture myself? Because it feels like home when I was a child and constantly condemned? Who knows and at this point in my life who cares.
Am I the only one that feels guilty when I hear of something wonderful someone does for someone else and wonder why I didn’t think of it or do something like it? I had to remind myself that first you have to see others do things like this. I really find it hard to believe stories that read “Five year old gives all her allowance to feed the poor.” I just don’t picture any average five-year old that would not be thinking of all the cool stuff they might get for themselves if they save up for it. But I was raised by selfish and very poor people. I guess the truly poor have a right to be selfish to survive. I just don’t believe a five-year old would notice what was going on in the world unless some adult pointed it out to her and told her how nice it would be to help someone who does not have what they have. Unlike our basic temperaments, we are not born with compassion, we learn it from others.
might just be what this messed up world needs!
I will never forget when the liberals started spreading their propaganda of insanity in which you were never responsible for your own actions and I quote “The most important person in the whole wide world is you, and you should know it.” Some of you may have heard this commercial for self-esteem or whatever they were hoping to solve for some selfish little snot. Granted there are the abused and I was one of them, but this kind of false propaganda does not help anyone.
The actual guilt I now suffer from is the fact that I almost never spoke up most of the times in my life. I have guilt for times I should have said things that I didn’t for one reason or the other, mostly because I thought it was better to shut your mouth and mind your own business and I never had the overpowering urge as some do to control others.
I sometimes I wish I would have told people what I really thought about certain things they were doing that really were self-destructive in the long run. I wish I would have been able to have the maturity I now possess to realize that someone might just listen. It wasn’t that I didn’t care, but I was so scared to speak up and make them mad or hurt their feelings, I would just listen. I’m sure they liked it at the time, but when I have come to see the long-term results, I regret it deeply. Sometimes I wonder if my ex-best friend would be here today if I would have said or done certain things back when we were young. Either that or we would have stopped talking a lot earlier.
I still have the first wall art purchased for my first apartment.
If you blog you probably are someone who has enough introspect to wonder why you are here. Why any of us are here.
I would contemplate that I was here to one day make some huge difference in the world like Mother Theresa or Gandhi. I used to think that people who really cared ran away from the 9 to 5 and went overseas to do mission work or something equally as dramatic.
I now realize that this is not for everyone and that usually good people are needed right where they are. In the first place you would need to speak the language of any foreign nation you go to or you wouldn’t be able to ask them where the rest room was, let alone communicate anything important to them. If everyone up and left for another land, who would minister to all the needy in their own town?
As an ex-workaholic, I have ministered to co-workers as well as some of my customers. Even when I worked for “the man!” I actually had one woman look me up later to thank me for taking the time to speak to her as a person, spiritually, that went beyond just helping her resolve the financial problems she was struggling with at the time.
It’s the idea of blooming where you’re planted. That God will place you where He needs you. He will put certain people in your path to help or be helped. People talk about making the most of the day and giving til it hurts but I don’t really agree. You are not supposed to make your life any more complicated than it already is and you are certainly not supposed to be hard on yourself about anything. You have the world for that.
All you can do is the best you can and that should never be a strain. I’m not saying you won’t be called to strain on occasion and only you know when and if the spirit will move you to make some type of great sacrifice. I know that you should never feel guilty for being who you are and where you are. God knows your life and what you are capable of. Life is not a contest. It’s life and it’s unpredictable and offers no guarantees of any kind. Even Jesus told people not to worry about tomorrow or what they will eat or drink.
I believe as long as you walk in the word and appreciate your blessings God will provide for you in the same manner that you provide for those God has given you.