You Can Never Give What You Don’t Have

Am I the only one that feels guilty over not being able to give what I don’t have?  I don’t mean financially, but in other ways as well.  It strikes me that I may be leaning on this excuse a little too hard sometimes.

I was thinking about this the other day when the voice of the accuser was attempting to bring me down even further in despair of the shortcomings of my life.  I was thinking about all the times I should have said or did something and didn’t and said something when maybe I shouldn’t have.  I know thinking like that is just borrowing trouble.

I have to keep consciously reminding myself that no one is perfect and why on earth would my brain be perverse enough to go revisit something that can never be changed?  Because I like to torture myself?  Because it feels like home when I was a child and constantly condemned?  Who knows and at this point in my life who cares.

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Am I the only one that feels guilty when I hear of something wonderful someone does for someone else and wonder why I didn’t think of it or do something like it?  I had to remind myself that first you have to see others do things like this.  I really find it hard to believe stories that read “Five year old gives all her allowance to feed the poor.”  I just don’t picture any average five-year old that would not be thinking of all the cool stuff they might get for themselves if they save up for it.  But I was raised by selfish and very poor people.  I guess the truly poor have a right to be selfish to survive.  I just don’t believe a five-year old would notice what was going on in the world unless some adult pointed it out to her and told her how nice it would be to help someone who does not have what they have.  Unlike our basic temperaments, we are not born with compassion, we learn it from others.

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Monsters Are Real

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When you watch a horror movie about monsters or psycho killers, they all have one thing in common that is supposed to bring fear to your heart.

These “things” will stop at nothing!  Is that a character flaw?  That alone, no.  The reason they don’t stop is they are focused on one thing.  Obsessed, if you will, single-minded to get what they want.  Problem with scary movies is they usually want to harm or kill someone.  Usually it’s some innocent person that doesn’t even know the perpetrator of this evil.  Never met them, never wants to meet them and hopes it will crawl back into hell from whence it came!

Complete and utter lack of compassion and empathy is shared by all.  I guess that’s why I have no sympathy for murderers of any kind.  I don’t compare those that have had to kill in self-defense or for the good of all as murderers or even killers.  They did what they had to do against what their personal beliefs were for the good of mankind or to save themselves from someone who didn’t give them a choice in the matter.  That is very different from having the heart of a monster.  In fact many of those people are heroes.

The real monsters are many now because most don’t believe in God.  That belief alone says you have no faith.  Faithless people are capable of anything and it’s not likely it will be anything positive.  They are empty vessels and all vessels will be filled with something whether they know it or not.  Jesus spoke of this when he referred to the body as the house and it was well swept after an exorcism but must be filled in a way as to not invite more evil spirits.  He also made reference to serving.  Everything a man does reflects his true heart and who he serves.  Who do you serve?

All God’s children fill their vessels with love and they share this love in all that they do.

My mother lied to me as a child when she told me there was no such thing as monsters.  Every time we listen to the latest horror fest on the news, we know for certain that monsters really do exist.  But much like the monsters in the movies, they never win.

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Daily Prompt: Get it, Before it’s Too Late

I am amazed at the ignorance of people.  Many are now of the thought that they should just be doing their own thing, living their dream, letting it all hang out and so on.  Sounds selfish to me.  In every society we all need to contribute and respect one another.  There is no other way.  We all have a right to the life God gave us and no one has the right to destroy it in any way.  The fact that anyone would think they can harm another and not have the same thing done to them is not realistic.

People that abuse, insult or harm others don’t like themselves and that’s too bad.  I often wonder what was done to them that completely destroyed their psyche and hope for happiness and a good life.  Maybe they had ignorant parents that were too hard on them or maybe they lack the ability to think thoughts deep enough to even care to understand anything.

I really don’t think that most people get why they are even here because our society is very confusing at best.  This poem I wrote is simple, but tries to explain it.  Think before you hurt anyone because it is written that it will come back to you one way or the other, sooner or later.  Treat others as you wish to be treated even if they don’t deserve it.

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Treat People Well While You Still Can

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Few take themselves or their actions that seriously in life and rarely think it through before they speak or act.  I believe this is because most humans are very impulsive by nature, some more than others.

When someone commits suicide, most of the time friends and family say “where did that come from?”

Are you serious?  Look around.  Admit that you live selfish lives and that you would rather ignore than take on another person’s problem to add to your own.  I’m guilty of this myself.

Have you ever said hello to that neighbor?  The one that never makes eye contact because she was severely abused in her formative years and the rest of the world piled it right on due to her lack of self-esteem?

Those expecting to be rejected or used will tend to stay by themselves.  Wouldn’t you?

What about your hard to get along with co-worker whose wife just left him?  He’s a real piece of work but it’s God’s work, lest we forget.  Sometimes people go through way more than you can imagine and even when they try to break down the door that separates them from others, there may still be a chip of it left on their shoulder.

People need to remember that caring or love comes from within.  This is obvious from the instruction from Christ.  Love others as you love yourself.  I believe that most really don’t know how to love themselves.  They feel guilty or are confused about the difference between loving yourself and being selfish and they are different.

The fact that Jesus told his disciples that when the world hated them to remember that it hated Him first lets you know that you are in good company when you are feeling unloved.  It’s not easy, but try looking at it realistically.  If you are awesome in any way, there are going to be folks that will not like you because they are envious.  Many want to be the ones that are in charge or in control of situations.  Some demand to be the center of attention in all things.  If you are knowledgeable on the job, you could irritate some and make others fear for their positions which will not make you popular.  A confident, well-balanced person will love you, but don’t let other’s bad opinion of themselves make you feel bad about yourself.

We only have one chance to do the right thing in life and we only have one life.  Only you can decide if you want to be someone’s hero or their undoing.  I have always been amazed that so many think so little of where their spirit will go after they leave this earth.  There might actually be a heaven or a hell.  Just because you believe or don’t believe does not change reality.

 

 

 

 

Who Knows What Evil Lurks in the Hearts of Men

Usually the very people that live with them.

On the evening of 12/11/2012, my family’s world was forever changed, and not for the better.  Tragedy is not a stranger to us, unfortunately, but this was one that I never dreamed would darken my family’s door. 

When I awoke 12/12/2012 I had no idea of what had transpired the night before .  With so many talking about this date having some kind of significance, I had no idea and no such belief that this date would bring so much horror and complete despair.  I did know that it was the second year anniversary of the death of one of my very best childhood friends, though we had lost touch for many years.  I was reminded of the anniversary of the death of John Lennon a few days before, brutally murdered by a sociopath.  This has taken so long to post because I am really having a hard time putting it down in writing and the story is still not over. 

Horror is the sign you see in movie sections, the ones I avoid.  I don’t like evil and don’t believe in giving it glory like that.

I went out shopping for remaining Christmas gifts for a few people that morning.  It was a great day, warmer than usual and I felt good for the first time in a while enjoying the bustle in the stores, knowing I was almost done with my errands.  I stopped at McDonald’s for a dollar menu McDouble, something I only do a few times a year, and came home to unload my car and flop down with my burger and a cup of coffee.  Soon after I finished it, my phone rang.  It was one of my sister-in-laws sounding tearful asking what happened in my family.  I did not have any messages regarding anything amiss and asked her what she meant.  She spoke very tearful and haltingly and said that she believes something horrible happened to one of my brothers, a fight or an accident and that she heard he was in the hospital.  I asked her to stop and not to tell me anymore at this time.  I was horrified and told her not to say anymore because I simply couldn’t bear it.  I needed to get my mind wrapped around the fact that our world was about to change again and not for the better.  It is especially hard for someone like me to accept this.  My sister and myself have been praying and believing for a very long time for the miracle of my family to stop their self-destructive behavior and find Jesus.  My sister-in-law told me that she hated to have to tell me this, but that her brother had found out from a mutual friend that works with one of my brothers that there was an accident or a fight or something and she was not sure of the details but that possibly one of my brothers may have even been killed.  I told her that I would call her back when I heard something, but advised her there was no answer from my mother’s home when I tried to call her earlier, where the incident supposedly took place.  I drove the 15 minutes to my mother’s home sick to my stomach with fear and bracing myself for the worst case scenario that one of my brother’s was possibly dead. 

All kinds of thoughts raced through my head.  “A fight?”  “An accident?”  Three of my brothers live with my mother since their divorces and major job losses.  I really did not want to find out what happened but just wanted to crawl into my bed and pretend that I never received the call and the world really is made out of rainbows and pink cotton candy, instead of shit and bullets.  I knew one of my brothers had a gun.  I knew that just like our missing father,  they all drank and sometimes heavily.  I knew that if no one was home and there was a problem, one of the neighbors would fill me in and unfortunately I was correct.  The minute I pulled into the drive I called the home number again to see if anyone would answer.  Only one of the cars was gone from their drive.  Still no answer and I felt sick to my stomach!  As soon as I disconnected the unanswered call, a neighbor from across the street came running over.  He told me that no one was home, that they were still at the hospital, which I knew was a good thing.

He proceeded to tell me that one of my brothers violently attacked his younger brother with a knife and a heavy frying pan that he repeated beat him over the head with.  He told me that his head was split open, and that he had been stabbed multiple times.  I almost passed out from the shock of hearing something so demonic and evil as this.  We come from a severely dysfunctional family with the usual garden variety of abuse and neglect, but nothing like this ever happened in our family before.  He told me that he was sorry to have to tell me this and that my brother was deceased when he was taken away, but someone told him he was revived once he got to the hospital.  Found out that he was taken to a hospital that was near my house due to the injuries, instead of the hospital near him.  I drove straight to the hospital and was told that they did not have a patient by that name, so I went home to wait to be contacted, enraged and crying all the way home, cursing that damned satan for all his tricks for the feeble-minded and poor in spirit.  Cursing the fact that evil even exists and that so many love to dance with the devil in the pale moonlight.  I prayed, but still prepared myself to hear the worst.  I later found out that hospitals are not allowed to advise of any patient admitted due to assaults, for their own protection.

My brothers were once married, had families and were successfully employed for years, but their love of drink ruined them.  I seldom quote scripture to them or preach, but whenever the opportunity presents itself, I take advantage.  I seldom have anything to do with my family because of the way they have all trashed their lives and live only to drink satan’s piss, as I call it.  I have learned to stay clear of people who are self-destructive and obviously hate themselves.  They will also hate and possibly hurt those trying to help them.  When I speak to them about my faith and forgiving themselves for messing up or not being perfect, I try to explain that it is OK for them to succeed just because some drunk that they were related to told them they would fail.  So far, they don’t seem to get that.  They would rather be high.  It has been their lifelong dream to stop their pain this way and thank God I don’t quite understand it.  There was a reason that Jesus told his disciples to shake the dust off their feet from towns that refused to accept them.  As much as it hurts, you can’t save everyone and some angry people like to take as many down with them as they can. 

None of my brothers were ever abusive to their children but my brother that did the attack has also attacked other people sporadically in his life including his wife, putting one in the hospital near death, a child molester, who never pressed charges.  I started thinking about this and the fact that I do avoid that brother, even though he never hurt me or acted hostile to me my entire life.  I am a gentle person and easy to get along with so I never had a problem with any of my brothers ever being mean to me.  We used to get along great as kids, except for the fact of him constantly attacking his younger brothers at the drop of a hat.  I had to pull him off them to stop him but he would stop and not try to fight me or get mad at me for stopping him from punching his little brothers.

I decided to call another younger brother that moved away years ago because he did not like to be around the dysfunctional family he came from.  I tried to break it to him gently and told him that I am still waiting for information from someone in the family.  He told me about the time that he had to be treated with stitches from a run in with that same brother many years ago.   Both of my brothers involved are veterans and I am not sure if this makes any difference to their temperament or disposition to violence.  Neither served in active combat.  I received a call later that evening from the same brother who informed me that our brother was still alive in intensive care with multiple stab wounds over his entire body and that he had minor head injuries from his head being split open by a frying pan.  I was to be told later that it was a miracle that he made it with the amount of blood he lost from all the stab wounds, including a major one in his neck.  It has just been a demonic freaking nightmare and if people don’t think the world ended December 2012, think again.  It ended for many of us.  It ended for those little children a few days later because yet another demonic possessed ahole decided to dance with the devil in the pale moonlight.  Throw a fit, act insane and imitate something he saw on a movie or television show.     

What makes me angry is the complacent, enabling attitude my mother has always had, even with our horrible father.  I don’t know if people like that are weak, scared or just don’t know what to do.  I cannot imagine being scared like that, as an adult woman.  I can’t understand why some are doormats or punching bags and make things worse for everyone involved, even the creeps that don’t practice self-control.  Only the month before, my brother that was attacked told me that he did not trust the brother that eventually tried to kill him, because of his hostility.  Instead of insisting that he get help and stop drinking, my mother sits there and lets it continue til something like this happens.  That same brother, punched out yet another brother about a year ago, and thankfully did not do major damage, but break his glasses.  I personally despise people like this.  They are compassionless and don’t care who they hurt.  They throw their adult fits and think that they are allowed the carnage they create without any real care or concern of what they do to others.  Substance abusers are creeps for this reason.   

This is exactly the reason why so many murders do take place.  People walk on eggshells around the psychos in their lives instead of banishing them.  I am a super believer in tough love because no adult is owed anything from anyone and if they wish to have a relationship with someone, they better be thrilled that someone cares about them and they are blessed enough to have someone in their life who cares about them at all.  They should continuously have the prodigal son mentality, after he returned, that is.  When he came back after trashing his life, he threw himself at the mercy of his father and said that he was only fit to live with the swine.  Only an evil fool ruins relationships and lives by abuse and disrespect and destroys their own brain cells with drugs and alcohol.  There is no excuse to hate yourself and ever believe anything negative someone told you as a child.  At my age, with my life experience, I am sick of people like this.  Boo hoo, daddy didn’t wuv you a million years ago.  Get over it and develop a personal relationship with Jesus the Christ before it is too late!

The Least of My Brethren

There seems to be a strong and common belief that a man is only a man if he has riches and high station in life.  This is wrong.  It was explained as wrong over 2000 years ago.  We have been teaching right from wrong to anyone who will listen for as many years.  Ever since Christ was murdered by the mindless mob.

Last week there were stories circulating about some celebrity’s wedding and how some thoughtless, compassionless loser thought it cute to film homeless people wishing these wealthy celebrities well on their marriage.  Now whether this was done because they were allowing fans, whoever they may be, to say congratulations, I don’t know and really don’t care.  They know why they did it.  So does God.  People seem to have this illusion that if they don’t believe something, it doesn’t exist or won’t happen to them like going to hell and stuff like that.  You actually bring that with you when you leave.  You will never escape you, so you kinda want to get it right while you are still here.

There have been numerous sitcoms lately where the writers have shown just what little regard they have for others.  Just how thick-skinned and thick-headed they are.  Jokes about “killing a homeless man to get laid” are simply not funny.  The only people who would enjoy that humor may actually pull a stunt like that or be encouraged to by this kind of rhetoric because who would actually make a suggestion such as this in a culture where some evil, demented people actually do these kinds of things?  First you have to believe that you are actually better than someone else.  You may make better choices, etc, but this does not make you better.

Jesus was very clear about whatever is done to the least of the brethren is done to Him.  Whatever you do to others, you do to yourself.  When you hate others and hurt others you show the world just how much you hate yourself.  Why?  What or who ever told you that you were not worth loving?  Why do you think that other’s don’t have the same needs as you do?  Why do you not try to understand that most people are just doing the best that they can in the world and they need help, not hindrance?  Jesus taught people to do unto others as they would wish to have done to themselves.  This is not a hard concept.  There is not a man alive who does not need love, so therefore needs to give it.  What you give to the world and others is what you will have in return.  Sure there are the evil that if their son asked for a fish they would give him a stone.  Thank God but for the teachings of Christ, these people are few and far between.  This is rapidly changing since the people in charge of everything go further away from the teachings of the one who was born to save the world.  There is nothing funny about Jesus or anything He ever said.  Anyone who thinks he can find fault with His words, good luck!  There have been many who take His words and teachings and try to pretend they are their own so they can sell their motivational books or to start their own religion, such as scientology, but accept no substitutions when it comes to the Word.

Many people think they are smart when they bully or make fun of others, but they are really more upset than most.  Some do become very angry and upset when someone strikes a chord in their very heart and soul, stirs their compassion and instead of crying for that person they would rather tease or attack simply because they don’t know how to deal with it.  It’s OK to feel bad or even angry at those we think are lazy or stupid, but it is not OK to make fun of them or hurt them.  Many of the homeless cannot or will not take people’s help when offered.  That is their choice.  Most of the homeless are the mentally ill and our society no longer takes care of them.  Our society would rather have some on reality shows that allow the audience to jeer and scream at their antics, much like the medieval lords and ladys did years ago to the village idiots they enjoyed laughing at.  I will never understand why some human beings are so evolved and others behave worse than trained chimps.  I have seen dogs with more compassion than some people I know.  You decide if you wish to be thought of as someone’s hero or just another thorn in their side.