When I saw “Rhyme” as the prompt I said, “Why not, what the hell.” I’ll never publish my book of poems as I had hoped so many years ago. I have written poems/songs since my teens just for the fun of it. I used to LOVE poetry. I mean LOVE it when I was young. Virtually all of my poems & songs rhyme. I am not a fan of the verse that is “perverse” and does not.
I have written numerous poems a few years back after a very long break in which I studied other visual arts and dance. So funny to me that I have notebooks full of my poetry and writing and I see others blog about this stuff but I don’t share mine, so far. Here is one of my poems that I wrote in anger after one of my friends succumbed but before my sister found out she had advanced stage esophageal cancer.
Cancer is a bloody bitch and then you die. Most of my family and friends have passed from this dangerous, insidious fuck up of the body, for lack of a better description. It’s exactly what it is. Your body fucks up and you hope for the best in remissions or treatment or just prepare yourself to say goodbye.
Cancer Kiss my Ass!!
Cancer kiss my ass!!
You sneaky sack of shit!!
You creep inside my body
and make a mess of it!
You take away my family
and friends that I hold dear.
Until there’s only one of me
awaiting you with fear.
I know about the car crash
the nutso with a gun,
But you just bide your time
until you take out everyone!
Po’ Girl Shines © 2014
There is never an excuse for unprovoked violence.
To physically attack another human being because you don’t like them or you get angry is to ask to be stopped in any manner someone decides to stops you.
Even Jesus said to “Do unto others as you would have done unto yourself.” If you attack to show power or act out aggression in anger, I can honestly say that I have no sympathy for whatever brutal outcome befalls you. It may be shocking and sad but very predictable. So many mock Christ but he also told us to love our enemies so we don’t retaliate against the ones that do act out or this world would be a non-stop blood bath of vengeance. Look around at the evil ones that provoke others to lose their souls daily defending themselves or others.
Self defense and acting out in vengeance are two very separate things, but can be confused in the human mind. It’s easy to want to get back at someone that harmed or wronged you, but It’s understandable if someone is beating you or someone else, that you try to stop that person, hopefully without killing them.
There is no one on God’s earth in their right mind that will sit back and allow someone to try and take their life and limb from them and do nothing to defend themselves or others if they are witness to such. We do have survival deeply wired into us. Even if someone is on your side or downplays what you do, because they don’t like the person or people you attacked and find a way to defend your evil act, it still does not absolve you of your guilt and blame for any incident that you started.
I loved the original movie “The Day The Earth Stood Still” for that reason. They had robots that kept all aggression under control on their planet and came to earth to warn them to knock off all violence or the planet earth would be eliminated. I really believe that if mankind does not get the “devil out them” real quick, with the current technology we now possess, it would not be hard to destroy the planet and everything God created.
What in the hell?
Yes, indeed. Hatefulness is a little bit of hell so why am I starting to feel this emotion more than ever now? Anger at aging and not being a meaningful society member in the world’s eyes anymore? Anger at losing everything and almost everyone I have ever loved? Anger at finding out most cute little sayings are just that? Anger at all the lies and deceptions in the world? Anger that my life turned out nothing like I had planned? Fear and Anger that I just don’t really care to get back on track anymore?
I can remember a time when I accepted almost anyone as a person no matter their sins or how obnoxious they were. This came naturally for me. I didn’t force anything inside. It was just how my spirit was at the time. Willing to forgive at a moment’s notice. You would think that doing this for a long time would make you better at forgiveness but I have found it to be quite the opposite for me. I find myself growing increasingly resentful of any slight and to be fair, part of this is indeed hormonal which I am just supposed to accept because it’s the way we were created and there’s nothing I can do. I have tried hormones for a short time. Still using natural progesterone cream over the counter from some health food store.
My entire life I was a “kind” person. When I was a child I befriended anyone who was the underdog or picked on. Sometimes I was that person but not for long because my siblings were my opposite and very hostile and violent. When they found out who I was related to, they backed off. I only remember being afraid of one girl who used to beat me up after school a few times, that was before my sister started attending. The next year we became best friends.
I’m not going to blame me feeling “hateful” purely on menopause either. Though I now know where the term “old bitty” comes from. I think it’s just a combination of everything in my life and the entire world at this time set off by hormonal imbalance and extreme unhappiness. It’s not a kind or gentle place as portrayed for a while in the 50’s where you can even pretend to be safe.
Anyone else with me?
I have spent more of my time angry since starting menopause at roughly 50 years of age, than all of my first fifty years combined. When my hormones conked out, I became horribly irritable. Thankfully I was already divorced by then or who knows what may have transpired!
Today I had to delete a rant I made on a Facebook post from WXYZ-TV channel 7. They just confirmed a body found was that of 13-year-old Deontae Mitchell who was seen being kidnapped by a man, whom they have since arrested. The kidnapping was reportedly committed on Tuesday night, May 31st and an amber alert was issued by at least the following day, Wednesday. Now another child in Detroit is dead at the hands of some monster. I am starting to realize why all the other animal kingdom fears human animals so much. We are horrible creatures!
Without proper training we are dangerous and unstoppable except by deadly force just like any other wild, willful animal. This is not the way it was meant to be. Hence something called religious training. Most, if not all cultures have a base belief in a God. Most believe you will be punished by this God if you defy His word and defile His world. This is what I was taught and I believe this to be the truth because it makes perfect sense. The lies are that no such God exists so go ahead, if you’re feeling lucky, and do whatever strikes your fancy for the moment. This is where liberal ideology will eventually destroy everything in its path.
All civilizations that have stood the test of time have had strict taboos on many things and rightly so. I have watched our society in America slowly disintegrate by allowing small groups of people to go against society’s accepted norms in various ways from promiscuity to rampant use of drugs and alcohol. Every time a group is allowed to stray and “do their own thing” instead of the right thing, their society as a whole weakens. Do some of these people honestly think the rest of us are acting on our every impulse? That we are living our dreams and doing our own thing? No we are taking care of them and others by sacrifice and doing the right thing just like some of our parents did by getting to bed early so they could put in a long day’s work the next day instead of sneaking out to see a secret lover or get so high they couldn’t even make it into work the next day.
Women who cared made sure they were married to a stable, sober man before having unprotected sex and bringing some poor child into the already cold, cruel world. Now it’s more important to be “turned on” or “thrilled” because that’s living your dream and our liberal media is being sure to let us know that this is the most important thing in life. Thankfully there are modern folks still being raised by good, loving parents old school that realize the personal satisfaction of a job well done in all aspects of a well lived life.
There are sayings about regrets at the end of your life for things you didn’t try. Unfortunately there are more regrets by those that tried things they shouldn’t have. Don’t believe everything you hear.
I can’t say for sure what happened.
As a child that was extremely abused and neglected by my parents. I was afraid of everything and everyone when I was young. I was considered “shy” as I got older and thought that it was normal to be scared to the point of constantly sweating and not being able to concentrate because I was always on “high alert” for any danger. I prayed I wouldn’t be called on by the teachers or picked on by other kids. I didn’t have many friends as a result. I learned to be hyper-vigilant so I could try to defend myself from all the possible dangers this world had in store. My younger sister, who was a head taller and big-boned, was always my bodyguard when she could be. She was two years behind me so was only in my schools when I was a Senior and she was a Freshman. I sometimes wondered if I was switched at birth because there was no way I could have been related to the aggressive loud-mouths in my family.
I didn’t realize at the time I was probably suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder since this is a relatively new thing. My other siblings appeared angry and aggressive and never seemed to fear things. They were not raised with a Christian Aunt as I was and did not have the Golden Rule instilled in their very psyche.
I followed that Golden Rule to the letter until the last number of years of my life. I blame menopause for my irritability and that I never give any mean acting person the benefit of the doubt if they dare try to play me or give me a hard time. It’s either hormonal problems or I’ve developed schizophrenia. I will usually lay right into them. Since anger and irritability is a symptom of many in menopause, I feel pretty secure to know I’ve just become an “old bitty” as they used to say. All I know is I’m brave as heck now. I have no shyness and others seem to sense the fact that I sometimes wreak anger and don’t mess with me. I actually have developed that “chip on the shoulder, make my day” attitude which is sad really. As a result, I still don’t have many friends.
The perpetual unhappy ones for those are the ones that lack the ability to appreciate their blessings.
The ones that complain about everything and look for any slight instead of seeing what is bright.
Anyone in this state is in danger of losing their very souls.
You may be acquainted with people like this or you might notice people that seem to have it all, but disregard and defile all the blessings they are given.
At the very least they bring others down and instead of being a light for them. They seem to destroy everything in their path.
Keeping Faith and trying to see the bright side of things takes an effort. It’s not something that comes naturally to most.
Every time you fail to acknowledge just how blessed you really are, you let yourself down as well as miss any opportunity to be a blessing to someone else.
We must have people of Faith and they need our help as well. A few good, righteous people cannot hold the rest of the world together as you may notice by the state of this world.
Dare to be a hero for anyone, even yourself.
I’m not talking popping them like pills, but popping like in bubbles or balloons. Can you do this? I have always managed to keep most of my unpleasant memories completely out of reach in my mind. I am not really sure how my psyche actually did this to protect me. I do know that I never ended up completely destroyed or addicted from my sad/bad life like my siblings or others I know that have gone through the same kinds of experiences. I have not become angry and self-destructive in a way that has completely ruined my life. My life was ruined, but not completely.
I have actually experienced selective amnesia for some of the really traumatic incidents that occurred when I was young. There was one act of evil that I had absolutely no recollection of, even when my sister brought it up and I asked my mother later if my sister was losing her mind in saying this. My mother was naturally shocked and only when she confronted me with the fact that I could not have actually forgotten something that horrible, I remembered and then was almost angry at them jogging this awake again for me. Is that fair for people to speak of things that never need to be thought of again? For what end would someone bring up something painful?
This is why I have avoided most of my family, most of my adult life. I didn’t want to admit I came from a freak show. Many of us do, I realize this. In fact I love reading other people’s biographies, especially those of people that are not celebrities. It makes me feel so much better about my life and less a freak. I prefer to live each day the best I can and I have always gotten great satisfaction that although I am not perfect, I do most things well. I have always worked hard and have numerous talents that I have used at various times in my life. When I was young my talents afforded me many of my friendships because of shared interests or some that were just impressed with my skill as an artist or dancer. These are the kinds of things I put my attentions on. Positive works because I cared about living and found that there actually was so much good in the world if you only cared and tried. I never knew this is having hope. I had a friend once tell me that she was jealous of me. She said it in a nice way, but after a while it did kind of show.
Since I have been in menopause my memory has become worse. I would forget about anything and not have to play some psychological mind game in my brain to do so. So getting older does have its perks if you need to forget.
Sometimes “In Place No One Can Hear You Scream”