A little meandering is good for the soul.
But you don’t want to do it indefinitely.
Many who take a straight course of action in their lives wonder later if they have made the right choice. They seem to think that since they knew what they wanted early in life and went straight to it, they must have missed out on so much. I envy those people. I believe most of what they missed was heartache, indecision and problems because the grass is never greener than in your own backyard.
I always wanted something else. It’s not that I thought something or someone was not good enough for me, but I was never satisfied. I knew there was something wrong with me because I was never happy. I wasn’t depressed but lived to strive for things. Jobs, competing for juried art shows, certain friends or a man who happened to catch my eye for the moment. Nothing ever made me feel elated as I had hoped so I just kept searching because I knew it was out there somewhere.
I loved the thrill of the hunt. I know this now. I think that’s why I loved to shop. Always looking for treasures. Some called me “fickle” in ways of the heart. I’m surprised they didn’t see that this was how I was with everything in my life. Why I studied for years in college and never got a degree, changing my majors and studies all the time. Granted, I’m impulsive but it’s honestly like I must have it all, eat it all up. Glad I’m not like that with food. It’s not that I’m easily distracted. In everything I remained focused and disciplined until I achieved the desired result.
I have studied so many visual arts, even asking to work with artists I met at shows if I liked their technique in oil, pastels or whatever their medium was. It’s not like I was constantly quitting either. I studied most of these things for many years and still dabble. Learned to play piano, organ, guitar, banjo and mandolin. I started taking dance lessons at age 3 and my music lessons soon after. The dancing was not my idea at the time and I sometimes wonder if my early training in so many things taught me to crave a varied schedule throughout my life. I have studied Russian ballet, tap, jazz, modern, various folk dancing such as Hawaiian, Tahitian, Flamenco & Belly Dancing, and then later teaching it as well.
When finally forced to work for a living I did various things enjoying my work and the people until I didn’t then looking to move on to something bigger and better, always more money. Sometimes that’s a grave mistake. I was looking for something that would fill the void that I still feel today. Sadly I now know what that is, but won’t get into it, too complicated.
You don’t want to live your entire life wondering what you want to be when you grow up because one day you will find yourself totally lost. Find your anchor, whatever it is.