Am I the only one that feels guilty over not being able to give what I don’t have? I don’t mean financially, but in other ways as well. It strikes me that I may be leaning on this excuse a little too hard sometimes.
I was thinking about this the other day when the voice of the accuser was attempting to bring me down even further in despair of the shortcomings of my life. I was thinking about all the times I should have said or did something and didn’t and said something when maybe I shouldn’t have. I know thinking like that is just borrowing trouble.
I have to keep consciously reminding myself that no one is perfect and why on earth would my brain be perverse enough to go revisit something that can never be changed? Because I like to torture myself? Because it feels like home when I was a child and constantly condemned? Who knows and at this point in my life who cares.
Am I the only one that feels guilty when I hear of something wonderful someone does for someone else and wonder why I didn’t think of it or do something like it? I had to remind myself that first you have to see others do things like this. I really find it hard to believe stories that read “Five year old gives all her allowance to feed the poor.” I just don’t picture any average five-year old that would not be thinking of all the cool stuff they might get for themselves if they save up for it. But I was raised by selfish and very poor people. I guess the truly poor have a right to be selfish to survive. I just don’t believe a five-year old would notice what was going on in the world unless some adult pointed it out to her and told her how nice it would be to help someone who does not have what they have. Unlike our basic temperaments, we are not born with compassion, we learn it from others.