Still Dancing as Fast as I Can

dancingshoesMy poem is sort of a twist on Aesop’s “Fox and the Grapes.”

Trying to Dance

I tried to dance but stubbed my toe

a very long, long time ago.

But since I really like to dance

I thought I’d take another chance.

I’m shocked my shoes no longer fit,

not even just a little bit.

I tried another larger pair

but soon the seams began to tear.

Found some that fit, but here’s the rub

another toe, another stub.

Not sure if I’ve been fairly fated,

I think that dancing’s overrated!

C Lewis © 2014

Treat People Well While You Still Can

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Few take themselves or their actions that seriously in life and rarely think it through before they speak or act.  I believe this is because most humans are very impulsive by nature, some more than others.

When someone commits suicide, most of the time friends and family say “where did that come from?”

Are you serious?  Look around.  Admit that you live selfish lives and that you would rather ignore than take on another person’s problem to add to your own.  I’m guilty of this myself.

Have you ever said hello to that neighbor?  The one that never makes eye contact because she was severely abused in her formative years and the rest of the world piled it right on due to her lack of self-esteem?

Those expecting to be rejected or used will tend to stay by themselves.  Wouldn’t you?

What about your hard to get along with co-worker whose wife just left him?  He’s a real piece of work but it’s God’s work, lest we forget.  Sometimes people go through way more than you can imagine and even when they try to break down the door that separates them from others, there may still be a chip of it left on their shoulder.

People need to remember that caring or love comes from within.  This is obvious from the instruction from Christ.  Love others as you love yourself.  I believe that most really don’t know how to love themselves.  They feel guilty or are confused about the difference between loving yourself and being selfish and they are different.

The fact that Jesus told his disciples that when the world hated them to remember that it hated Him first lets you know that you are in good company when you are feeling unloved.  It’s not easy, but try looking at it realistically.  If you are awesome in any way, there are going to be folks that will not like you because they are envious.  Many want to be the ones that are in charge or in control of situations.  Some demand to be the center of attention in all things.  If you are knowledgeable on the job, you could irritate some and make others fear for their positions which will not make you popular.  A confident, well-balanced person will love you, but don’t let other’s bad opinion of themselves make you feel bad about yourself.

We only have one chance to do the right thing in life and we only have one life.  Only you can decide if you want to be someone’s hero or their undoing.  I have always been amazed that so many think so little of where their spirit will go after they leave this earth.  There might actually be a heaven or a hell.  Just because you believe or don’t believe does not change reality.

 

 

 

 

Writing 101: Opposite Tuesday

Today’s writing challenge was to writing about my worst fear in a style that is not my own.  Rebel that I am, I refuse to talk of anything that is negative.  Fear makes one weak and I plan on staying strong.  Also I wouldn’t have a clue on how to be someone other than who I was born to be.

Good to know that if you hadn’t asked us to write about something negative, I would be bitching about something.  I guess my fear is that I will become a slave to what I have learned from my life experiences and not a slave to the truth.

Luckily I know better.  I know Jesus.  The thing that I love the most about Him is His human side.  The parts where I heard He cried because He dared to care about a world that didn’t love Him back.  The parts in the New Testament that say He chose to give His life because He loved us anyway.  This is the part that tells me He was not completely human because most of us would do the opposite.  Even though I know Christ, I still don’t want to do things for those that are my enemy.  I will pray for them and not harm them, but I seldom will actually go out of my way to help someone that is against me.  Why would I?  Why would anyone?  We know there is a good chance that the enemy will become strong with this help and destroy us.  This is the way of the world.  The way that Jesus told us was wrong.

I loved the part where He warned us that when the world hates us for walking in love and the light, remember that it hated Him first.  Most of us hate being hated so we are careful how we walk, careful not to rock any boats and provoke our enemies.  I love the part that most forget about and that is the believers will do even greater works than He because He goes to the Father.

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keepsmiling

 

Writing 101: Cereal Saga Part III

whitebleedingheart3Going completely rogue on this one so I can keep it consistent with the first two parts of my “cereal killer” theme.

So, moving, to be or not to be whatever.  I was picking up a few items at the local grocer this weekend and a woman walked past me that looked familiar, but I couldn’t place her.  She looked at me as well, but kept walking.  A little while later we passed again and she said “You look familiar to me, then before I could think she said it was from the apartment complex where we were both filling out forms in the office.  The minute she reminded me, it fell into place.

She asked me if I had heard back from them.  I told her I hadn’t.  She said that they were called a couple of weeks ago about a number of apartments that were available.  I know they were higher on the waiting list than I was so didn’t sweat that part of it, but was concerned because it means they will be calling me very shortly as well.  It may be tomorrow, maybe next month, but it will be soon.  Again that inner hesitation and dread because I refuse to give in to what appears to be my fate.

I refuse to believe there is not going to be some help, or saving grace that will prevent my ultimate failure because, I reason to myself, none of this is my fault.  Good thing that stops bad things from happening to good people (sarcasm).  So I went out to lunch with some of my neighbors today and that prevented me from having to think about it for a while.  Meantime I am slowly cleaning things up, getting ready for another yard sale.  Even called one of my brothers to let his friend know he can pick a few things up soon.

All this shows that I’m at least starting to face up to the fact that life is change.  I want good change because I’ve had enough shocks and bad news.  Surprises are OK, because a surprise is always positive, like “Surprise Parties!”  Like finding out I’ve won the lotto and not necessarily some huge amount, but just enough to pay off my home or at least the difference when I sell it.  No bankruptcy then.  I’m preparing myself for the good things to come in life so I won’t be too shocked when it happens.

whitebleedingheart2

Daily Prompt: Freud Flips Out!

Sometimes I have the coolest dreams.  I don’t remember them as vividly as I used to when I was younger but here is an example of my very active nights!

I was looking at the house from the outside.  Looked a little like that oddly shaped house in the Amityville Horror.  My sons were both with me looking for a house to move into.  We decided to go inside to look around.  It was quite dark and had many closed doors along the sides of the endless, narrow hallway.  I knew I watched too many episodes of Dark Shadows growing up.  I began opening the doors and looking inside.  They were empty.  My kids had gone further down the hall so I was alone.  I opened another door and saw a really awesome statue that looked like one of those religious saints.  It was quite large.  I started to walk over to get a better look and the statue began moving, slowly at first.  You know that feeling that you swear something is happening but you must be imagining it, then you realize it’s really happening?

I started to back up and saw the figure begin to awaken as if it was actually alive.  I turned to run out the door and the hall had turned into an amusement park.  I was screaming for my kids, but they were nowhere in sight.  I started running past buildings and went inside one of them.  It was really huge like a warehouse and very dark inside.  There were others milling about, but really too dark to see who anyone was.  There were open doors along the very wide hall.  It sort of felt like a mall in a blackout.  I was in mall during a bad storm once many years ago they lost power due to a twister.  This reminded of it.  All of a sudden I saw my dog that had passed the year before but it was like he was still here with me.  I was holding his body close to mine and said “We’re going to have to do this boy, it’s going to be OK,” or something like that, took his leash and started walking with him in the lead.  I could feel the strong cold wind blowing on us, pushing us back like a horrible storm had just cropped up.

Then I awoke.

The window was left open and there was a cool breeze blowing in from outside.  I think the dream was just basically there’s a lot of difficulty and uncertainty in life, but that you have to continue and everything will be alright or as it should be.

Writing 101: Cereal Postmortem

Calumetcemetaryerasetexture2Woke up refreshed for the first time in a while after sleeping approximately 8 hours.  That’s a huge deal for me.

I can just recall the part of my dream before waking of looking out of a large window onto a funeral procession of old.

I felt relaxed and calm, not sad or upset so I don’t know what it really represented to me.

With new eyes and a different outlook, I was able to find some important information to resolve one of the problems I have been working on.  Finding this out has made a difference on what I will be doing in the near future and has given me hope.  I still have a lot of things up in the air, but I finally have my hope back which is everything to me.

 

Writing 101: Baby It’s Storming!

“Homes are a great investment.”

“And even if they don’t keep going up in value, I will at least be able to sell my home for what I paid for it with all the sweat equity and improvements.”

Those were the kinds of comments and thought behind the purchase of a home I made at the end of 2004, at what was to be the height of the mortgage movement, right before the meltdown.

After losing my job years ago, I have managed to hang on to this interest only ARM between other part-time jobs and unemployment.

I am now facing repayment of the principle in a home that been washed out in the eye of that mortgage storm.  It is now worth approximately half of what I now owe on both mortgages.  The mortgage “expert” did no money down because she could just mortgage this into my home payments, easy peasy my arse!

The new payments to come will be over $500. more a month and I can’t afford the current payments.  I have run out of all savings and almost all options at this time so I guess when it rains it really does “poor.”

What makes me angry is the fact that all this has happened through no fault of my own.  Since I purchased my home as a much older woman I as well as the banks knew that I would never be able to pay that home off in my lifetime since they had access to all my financial information.  I had planned on selling it a few years down the line for at least what I paid of it, no problem.  This was not to be since within a couple of years there was trouble in the mortgage industry and the value of my home was down about $10,000 or so.  I decided to try and keep it longer in hopes the value would soon rebound.  My bad!

I played by the rules, this was not what I wanted to happen but it has.  I think of a number of people I knew that deliberately walked away from their homes beside the fact that they still could afford the payments at the time.  Now they have everything so slanted to help the mortgage companies only and the hell with private citizens trying to survive.  This is killing me because I have an immaculate credit history and I am very anal retentive.  What makes me angry is they will harass and molest me and try to make me look like the bad guy, even though I have no choice or control in what has happened in my circumstances and they are the very ones that caused all these problems.

I have begun to get documentation together to sue my original mortgage company to at least take this predatory mortgage off my hands if I can do this pro-bono!  Wish me luck!

Writing 101: Four Bedrooms and Two Full Baths

We lived with my maternal grandmother when I was 12.  My entire family was intact, aside from the fact that my baby brother was not to be born until I was sweet 16, so there was grams, mom and dad, me, my sister and three brothers.

We lived in a four bedroom brick ranch with full basement and two full bathrooms.  We managed OK with the 8 of us and our dog Ranger.  We moved into this brand new subdivision just being built in the late 1950’s with no sod or trees on any of the streets yet.  We had a huge backyard that turned to mud every time it rained.  Apparently they purchased the home before it was built and would always show me the blueprint of the lots to prove that we had the largest lot in our subdivision and that’s why they selected it.

I previously printed a picture of us kids with my cousin in my favorite room in that house, the kitchen.