Diary of a Menopausal Breakup

It was subtle at first.

The yawns, looking at the watch, fake smiling with “ah-huh’s” thrown in at just the right moments.

Then he let me have it.

He phoned in the fake excuse a half hour after he was supposed to meet me after work for dinner at Mickey D’s, my treat.

He stopped calling after sending me a Sweetest Day card that advised me he was “glad I was his friend” signed “take care” instead of “love you madly!”  What a dork!  What did I want with him?!  His grapes were sour anyway!

So I stayed in bed the next day instead of showing up early for work as I routinely do.  I thought “What do I need that job for anyway?”  It only got me a broken heart.  (Not thinking of the much-needed income.)  Then I had to come to grips with the fact that my job did not break my heart.  It was your typical dork commitment phobe.  He was single, but never there when you really needed him.  It is so odd that an attractive, irresistible man becomes so creepy when you are no longer the apple of his eye.  (Or you should feel this way.)  I looked at him in a new and true light when I realized that he did not have the intellect or sensitivity to know a treasure when he had one.  I know why some people say things like “too bad for them, more for me” or something like that when they get dumped.  It is a normal human thing that other’s adoration makes you feel better about yourself but that is because most don’t love themselves.  I do and not in some arrogant way but in a true way.  I can sleep at night because I like myself, not because I am callous or conceited.  What’s not to like?

The other person has to be in the wrong, even if you were dumped three previous times trying to maintain relationships that never gelled.  What were the previous excuses?  “It is not you, it’s me,” and it was.  “It is not me, it is you,” and it wasn’t.  And my favorite “My best friend from high school looked me up and I realized how gay I was.”  Yeah, thanks for the competition.  It’s really hard to be catty when a guy steals your guy.  You can’t use lines like “He’s so flat!” cause obviously he likes this feature in his mates.  Life is not getting any easier.  Signing off for a “power-surge.”

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