POPPING MEMORIES

I’m not talking popping them like pills, but popping like in bubbles or balloons.  Can you do this?  I have always managed to keep most of my unpleasant memories completely out of reach in my mind.  I am not really sure how my psyche actually did this to protect me.  I do know that I never ended up completely destroyed or addicted from my sad/bad life like my siblings or others I know that have gone through the same kinds of experiences.  I have not become angry and self-destructive in a way that has completely ruined my life.  My life was ruined, but not completely. 

I have actually experienced selective amnesia for some of the really traumatic incidents that occurred when I was young.  There was one act of evil that I had absolutely no recollection of, even when my sister brought it up and I asked my mother later if my sister was losing her mind in saying this.  My mother was naturally shocked and only when she confronted me with the fact that I could not have actually forgotten something that horrible, I remembered and then was almost angry at them jogging this awake again for me.  Is that fair for people to speak of things that never need to be thought of again?  For what end would someone bring up something painful? 

This is why I have avoided most of my family, most of my adult life.  I didn’t want to admit I came from a freak show.  Many of us do, I realize this.  In fact I love reading other people’s biographies, especially those of people that are not celebrities.  It makes me feel so much better about my life and less a freak.  I prefer to live each day the best I can and I have always gotten great satisfaction that although I am not perfect, I do most things well.  I have always worked hard and have numerous talents that I have used at various times in my life.  When I was young my talents afforded me many of my friendships because of shared interests or some that were just impressed with my skill as an artist or dancer.  These are the kinds of things I put my attentions on.  Positive works because I cared about living and found that there actually was so much good in the world if you only cared and tried.  I never knew this is having hope.  I had a friend once tell me that she was jealous of me.  She said it in a nice way, but after a while it did kind of show. 

Since I have been in menopause my memory has become worse.  I would forget about anything and not have to play some psychological mind game in my brain to do so.  So getting older does have its perks if you need to forget.

Sometimes "In Place No One Can Hear You Scream"

Sometimes “In Place No One Can Hear You Scream”

 

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AND JUSTICE FOR ALL?

This entirely depends on who is judging.  What is good for one man is complete injustice to another, and so it goes. 

Finding justice on earth for many is possible but does not usually happen for one reason or another, usually due to personal feelings and inner demons which we all have.  If you don’t think you have inner demons, then you probably entertain them regularly so you don’t even notice anymore. 

George Zimmerman may have convinced six women that he needed to stand his ground when he shot and killed the young man who was minding his own business just trying to walk home after getting his snacks, but will he be able to convince God later on?

Sure, I wasn’t there, but my heart was.  I still don’t have a good feeling about how this all went down and somehow I can’t quite convince myself that there was ever any ground to be stood, except for the one in Zimmerman’s mind when he took it upon himself to stalk Trayvon Martin for no good reason.  Then because he started something, it became something more and he was unable to stop it without violence, or so he says.

Now a young man is dead before he ever really got to live, another man is facing eternal judgement one day and many lives are destroyed in the process.

A few things to think about:

Anyone who feels a need to stand their ground better be darn sure this is what you need to do because there are no “do-overs” with death for the most part.
Unless you know something the rest of us don’t know about what happens to us after we die, just because you don’t believe in hell does not mean it does not exist.  No one here gets out alive and we all take ourselves with us when we go. 
We are all only human and not invincible, no matter what some of you believe. 
Don’t go looking for trouble unless you are willing to greet it head on.

FORGOTTEN

“I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality.  this is why right, temporarily defeated, is sronger than evil triumphant.”    Dr Martin Luther King Jr

LOOK PAST YOUR PAST

You cannot move forward, looking behind.

purplefloweroval

Most of my life has been spent in poverty yet I can’t remember a time that I grieved about doing without various things.  I had too many other things to worry about that had nothing to do with money.  I have never been materialistic, thank God.  I sometimes think this was an inner survival tactic.  I would have driven myself even crazier if I became angry or frustrated about anything material that I lacked as well as love.  This may be why I spent most of my childhood immersed in books so I could escape as much as possible. 

I do think that I really am not materialistic by nature because “things” do not mean much to me and as soon as I have anything extra, I give it away and don’t miss it, much like love, not that I have had that much experience with it.  I have always worked very hard to survive and never give up the hope for things to get better for myself, my family and for God’s people in the world.  The world itself will never change. 

I have been called a “goody-two-shoes” which is supposed to be a put-down that I take as a compliment.  “Thank you!”  I know I will always take the high road.  I was once told by a rather snotty co-worker while trying to help someone that I “can’t save the whole world,” whatever that meant.  A bit blown out of proportion, but I was thinking “you don’t know the glory of God, do you?  You can’t even begin to imagine what I am capable of in faith!”  It’s hard to work with lazy haters when you are a conscientious child of God. 

I plan on being more specific in the future regarding life, the choices you make and the times when you don’t get to choose.  Take care, God bless and may peace be with you.